Kew Chronicle

[TimC]

Two-Wheeled Hoons Terrorise Neighbourhood
-----------------------------------------

RESIDENTS OF A QUIET KEW RESIDENTIAL STREET this week spoke out about
their daily lives being made a misery by the unpredictable and
thoughtless behaviour of increasing numbers of lycra-clad cycling
louts. In a letter to The Chronicle, a spokeswoman for the recently
formed group Concerned Residents of Hodgson Street, Ms Contumelia
Endive, told of uncouth and antisocial behaviour, dangerous near
misses, and fears for the wellbeing of elderly residents and children.
"For reasons best known to themselves, more and more of these pests
are descending on our quiet enclave at all hours of the day and
disrupting our peace by charging up our once beautiful street at
dangerous speeds. They puff, pant, grimace, spit, and swear, shout or
whoop loudly at one another, and generally behave in a quite
antisocial fashion. Aside from the obvious danger of collisions, we
are very concerned by the well known proclivity of cyclists towards
drug use. We also worry about the safety of young children in the
presence of these bizarrely dressed men who appear to shave their legs
and no doubt partake in other even more unsavoury activities", wrote
Ms Endive.

>>

Approached for comment by The Chronicle, the Assistant Manager of
Local Media Liaison Services at Bicycle Victoria, Ms Eumerella Sprodd
sought to dissociate the reported behaviour from that of responsible
cyclists: "Thanks to the tireless efforts of Bicycle Victoria,
Melbourne has over 752,000 kilometres of bike trails, shared pathways,
and dedicated on-road bike lanes for cyclists to enjoy", said Ms
Sprodd. "There is certainly no reason for even a small group of
riders to antagonise local residents in this way, if the reports are
correct." A spokeswoman for the Hawthorn Cycling Club also claimed no
knowledge of the illegal two-wheeled drag races "We run regular
criterion racing around a closed, non-residential circuit on the
nearby Kew Boulevard Loop," said Ms Rae Butcher, "these races give
cyclists of all abilities the opportunity to compete and work off
their excess testosterone, so I'm very surprised at what you're
telling me".

>>

When correspondents from The Chronicle visited leafy, tree-lined
Hodgson Street yesterday, peace reigned, with no rogue riders to be
seen. But Ms Endive's claims were backed up by a long term resident
of the street, 78 year old widow Mrs Beryl Plunkett: "It's just
dreadful" said Ms Plunkett, "I regularly have to cross the street on
my walking frame, and several times I have nearly been bowled over by
horrible sweaty men charging up the road at me, coming from nowhere,
without so much as an apology. It's got to where I'm scared to leave
my front door", a tearful Mrs Plunkett told The Chronicle.

>>

The Chronicle took the residents' concerns to the local Police, where
station chief Otto Grug admitted that Police were aware of the
activities, but hindered by a temporary lack of resources to confront
the offenders: "With all our cars and most of our officers currently
on security patrol up at the Commonwealth Games Lawn Bowls in Darebin,
we have been unable to mount an effective surveillance in Hodgson
Street.", stated Senior Sergeant Grug. "I did send one of our junior
officers over there on a Police-issue mountain bike two weeks ago to
investigate, but in giving chase to an offender on a higher powered
machine, he suffered severe atrial fibrillation and is still off on
Workcover."

>>

For the present then, it appears that the long-suffering residents of
Hodgson Street are on their own.



This entirely serious article brought to you via Allan ONeil on
bicigaga.



--
TimC
I am very new to programming drivers so if I sound un-knowledgeable then it's
because I am. -- first4internet's Ceri Coburn on writing Sony's DRM rootkit

[flyingdutch]

Jono L Wrote:
> I loved every word of it!! Sad to say i may be one of these two wheeled
> hoons..

whereTF is this reputed 'Hodgson Street' ?


--
flyingdutch

[Bleve]

TimC wrote:
> Two-Wheeled Hoons Terrorise Neighbourhood

[chomp]

It's not April 1st yet, Tim :)

[gplama]

flyingdutch Wrote:
> whereTF is this reputed 'Hodgson Street' ?Kew back streets.. north of Ikea over the river.. you'll spot it on a
map... the race is on to crack the 1min mark on cycle2max...


cheers,
GPL


--
gplama

[eddiec]

flyingdutch Wrote:
> whereTF is this reputed 'Hodgson Street' ?

near the kew end of the boulie - parallel to walmer st.

although I didn't realise it had any notoriety as a cyclist's street...
i use it on my daily commute and don't see many others!


--
eddiec

[TimC]

On 2006-03-09, Bleve (aka Bruce)
was almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea:
>
> TimC wrote:
>> Two-Wheeled Hoons Terrorise Neighbourhood
>
> [chomp]
>
> It's not April 1st yet, Tim :)

I swear, the amount of stuff posted on bicigaga that has me going for
entirely too long makes me look very forward to what we will have in
store for the April 1st.

But I think it might have bit a couple of people who shall remain
nameless :)

--
TimC
"COGITO, EGGO SUM." I think, therefore I am a waffle.
.sig of Mr. Ska on Slashdot.org

[OzCableguy]

"TimC" > wrote in message
...
> Aside from the obvious danger of collisions, we
> are very concerned by the well known proclivity of cyclists towards
> drug use. We also worry about the safety of young children in the
> presence of these bizarrely dressed men who appear to shave their legs
> and no doubt partake in other even more unsavoury activities", wrote
> Ms Endive.
>

Bwahahaha! Priceless.

[marin]

I couldn't get over this bit

SNIP
"I did send one of our junior officers over there on a Police-issue mountain
bike two weeks ago to investigate, but in giving chase to an offender on a
higher powered machine, he suffered severe atrial fibrillation and is still
off on Workcover."
SNIP

What the heck is a higher powered machine? Are we still talking about
pushies?

marin

[TimC]

On 2006-03-09, marin (aka Bruce)
was almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea:
> I couldn't get over this bit
>
> SNIP
> "I did send one of our junior officers over there on a Police-issue mountain
> bike two weeks ago to investigate, but in giving chase to an offender on a
> higher powered machine, he suffered severe atrial fibrillation and is still
> off on Workcover."
> SNIP
>
> What the heck is a higher powered machine? Are we still talking about
> pushies?

Yep. Clearly Melb Police Bicycle Patrol need to get themselves some
Italian carbon jobbies.

--
TimC
Chairman: We continue with an afternoon of numerical stimulations.
-- An astronomy talk

[Resound]

"TimC" > wrote in message
...
> On 2006-03-09, marin (aka Bruce)
> was almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea:
>> I couldn't get over this bit
>>
>> SNIP
>> "I did send one of our junior officers over there on a Police-issue
>> mountain
>> bike two weeks ago to investigate, but in giving chase to an offender on
>> a
>> higher powered machine, he suffered severe atrial fibrillation and is
>> still
>> off on Workcover."
>> SNIP
>>
>> What the heck is a higher powered machine? Are we still talking about
>> pushies?
>
> Yep. Clearly Melb Police Bicycle Patrol need to get themselves some
> Italian carbon jobbies.
>
And more highly powered constables who are less prone to atrial
fibrillation.

[Marx SS]

It's the 'whoop'ing that is the real problem.....


--
Marx SS

[Plodder]

--
Frank

Drop DACKS to reply
"Marx SS" > wrote in message
...
>
> It's the 'whoop'ing that is the real problem.....
>
>
> --
> Marx SS

Bit of a giggle at first, but then I thought about it. It's how many people
see cyclists, especially bunch cyclists. Because those of us who don't act
in the way described tend to be invisible the obnoxious mob sets the
impression for the rest of us. Unfortunately, we all assign guilt by
association. Look at comments through this group about 'peds', 'drivers',
etc. Any wonder cyclists are considered by some as lycra-clad hoons?

A few days ago I was riding to work along the path next to the Freeway
between Armadale Road and Rowley Road, heading south. A small bunch, about
8-10 lycra boyz (all the gear but, like me, sad fat buggers!), heading north
approaching. I was forced off the path, taking a digger in the sand, hearing
calls of 'get out of the fsking way'. Nobody stopped to check that I wasn't
hurt. I've seen this mob a few times (around 6-6.30am) on the road too.
Once, driving at about 80 in a row of cars along Rowley Rd, the same mob (I
assume) turned left on to Rowley Road from a side street straight in front
of the line of traffic. Much slamming on of brakes and curses. Very near
another report about cyclists killed by driver(s).

Put yourselves in the shoes of a non-cyclist watching or experiencing this
lot. What would you think? Hardly the way to win people over to cycling as a
transport option, is it? I'm tending to think there should be far more
restrictions and enforcement placed on bunch training and sport oriented
cycling and far more emphasis placed on vehicular cycling. I'm getting to
the point where I'm thinking bunch rides should need a permit and bikes
confiscated if one is not produced when the cops ask for it.

As petrol goes up, parking goes up, and the weather is good I see more
people riding as transport and more people being yelled at by speed
merchants. I wonder how many bikes end up in sheds because of this? I'm
wildly guessing that many new cyclists don't bother reporting incidents
because they are still in the newbie category and simply feel intimidated
and that they may be at fault for being too slow. I've seen many instances
of stereotypical roadies yelling at peds and recreational/commuting cyclists
on shared paths as though their speed and HR monitor gives them some
priority. I've seen many, many more who don't act so aggressively, but guess
who is noticed and shapes opinions?

Personally, when I'm next riding that route I'll have my pump ready to jam
in someone's spokes if they don't give me my space...

Frank - just plodding along...

[Marx SS]

A jihad on all obnox roadies!


--
Marx SS

[Euan]

Plodder wrote:

> Put yourselves in the shoes of a non-cyclist watching or experiencing this
> lot. What would you think? Hardly the way to win people over to cycling as a
> transport option, is it? I'm tending to think there should be far more
> restrictions and enforcement placed on bunch training and sport oriented
> cycling and far more emphasis placed on vehicular cycling. I'm getting to
> the point where I'm thinking bunch rides should need a permit and bikes
> confiscated if one is not produced when the cops ask for it.

Seeing as 90% of my millage is solo commuting I share your frustrations
however what you're suggesting just isn't fair. Cars drive around in
bunches all the time and have de-facto races to the next red lights.
The level of aggression displayed by some drivers puts lives at risk, a
fact borne out by the road toll. I'd be happy for restrictions such as
you suggest to be put in place if the same was to happen for cars.

Think I'm being silly? Well I don't think so. I regularly end up in a
bunch of 10 plus cyclists on my commute to and from the city along St
Kilda Road. Why the hell should I need a permit to be part of traffic?
--
Cheers | ~~ __@
Euan | ~~ _-\<,
Melbourne, Australia | ~ (*)/ (*)

[dave]

Euan wrote:
> Plodder wrote:
>
>> Put yourselves in the shoes of a non-cyclist watching or experiencing
>> this
>> lot. What would you think? Hardly the way to win people over to
>> cycling as a
>> transport option, is it? I'm tending to think there should be far more
>> restrictions and enforcement placed on bunch training and sport oriented
>> cycling and far more emphasis placed on vehicular cycling. I'm getting to
>> the point where I'm thinking bunch rides should need a permit and bikes
>> confiscated if one is not produced when the cops ask for it.
>
>
> Seeing as 90% of my millage is solo commuting I share your frustrations
> however what you're suggesting just isn't fair. Cars drive around in
> bunches all the time and have de-facto races to the next red lights. The
> level of aggression displayed by some drivers puts lives at risk, a fact
> borne out by the road toll. I'd be happy for restrictions such as you
> suggest to be put in place if the same was to happen for cars.
>
> Think I'm being silly? Well I don't think so. I regularly end up in a
> bunch of 10 plus cyclists on my commute to and from the city along St
> Kilda Road. Why the hell should I need a permit to be part of traffic?


Yeah a genuinely nuts idea. What about the 200 motorcyclists that
protested the proposed lane splitting legislation by riding more or less
as a bunch down the eastern freeway. Nearly all of them do that commute
every day. Since they all left at the same time from the same place for
once (and didnt lanesplit and vanish into invisibility) should they be
illegal? And if they were why not every bunch of cars entering from
springvale road

How many people have bunches of cyclists killed in the last year? Hang
on if we make it illegal for bunches of people to congregate maybe we
can get rid of cities.. Nuts.

Dave

[Plodder]

--
Frank

Drop DACKS to reply
"Euan" > wrote in message
...
> Plodder wrote:
>
> > Put yourselves in the shoes of a non-cyclist watching or experiencing
this
> > lot. What would you think? Hardly the way to win people over to cycling
as a
> > transport option, is it? I'm tending to think there should be far more
> > restrictions and enforcement placed on bunch training and sport oriented
> > cycling and far more emphasis placed on vehicular cycling. I'm getting
to
> > the point where I'm thinking bunch rides should need a permit and bikes
> > confiscated if one is not produced when the cops ask for it.
>
> Seeing as 90% of my millage is solo commuting I share your frustrations
> however what you're suggesting just isn't fair. Cars drive around in
> bunches all the time and have de-facto races to the next red lights.
> The level of aggression displayed by some drivers puts lives at risk, a
> fact borne out by the road toll. I'd be happy for restrictions such as
> you suggest to be put in place if the same was to happen for cars.
>
> Think I'm being silly? Well I don't think so. I regularly end up in a
> bunch of 10 plus cyclists on my commute to and from the city along St
> Kilda Road. Why the hell should I need a permit to be part of traffic?
> --
> Cheers | ~~ __@
> Euan | ~~ _-\<,
> Melbourne, Australia | ~ (*)/ (*)

Yeah, I know. I was ranting...

The bunch I was referring to displays similar aggression to some car
drivers. Not a happy thing. I wouldn't be surprised if they drive to the
ride in Prados.

I just goes to show that there are arseholes in every group - cyclists, car
drivers, whatever - and that they are the ones who are visible and tend to
be the basis of the opinions of others. There's another bunch I see
regularly along the same route and they are coureous and well behaved. The
only thing I've seen them do is bunch up together and ride three or four
abreast in the lane they are using. Doesn't bother me in the slightest; if
the lane is occupied it really makes no difference to me if it's one cyclist
or a dozen. I'll still wait until I can move to the other lane and overtake
safely. The two abreast thing seems to be designed to enable motorised
traffic to overtake without having to move to the other lane.

I guess I'm feeling that commuting cyclists who just go along at their own
pace and do their thing are becoming overshadowed by the training
'athletes' - the ones who take performance too seriously and appear to
expect others to make way for them just so they can keep their HR in the
zone. Even serious professional athletes should bear in mind that they are
no more than entertainers. Get some perspective.

I'm in WA so cycling infrastructure is coming along well. I feel quite lucky
in that regard, but will continue to agitate for better acceptance of
cyclists on the road and better integration of bike routes with roads.

I'll be more careful with my grizzles from now on ;-P

Cheers,

Frank

[Donga]

Frank:
>A great deal of that push comes from the athletic set who want facilities to suit their interests

Errrm, what facilities are those? Roads? It doesn't cost much extra, if
anything, to design those for cyclists - far less than miles of
concrete through parks. In fact I'm happy enough on the roads as they
are, given a little respect. Cycling will be safest for your kids and
mine when the roads are designed for cyclists and the motorists respect
them. Grovel around on paths and that's where we'll all be soon. I've
taught my kids to ride in the parks, but hope they'll graduate to roads
in their own time.

Let's not compete against each other. The point is the total cycling
budget is woeful. We have much better enemies to fight than each other.

Donga

[Plodder]

--
Frank

Drop DACKS to reply
"Donga" > wrote in message
oups.com...
> Frank:
> >A great deal of that push comes from the athletic set who want facilities
to suit their interests
>
> Errrm, what facilities are those? Roads? It doesn't cost much extra, if
> anything, to design those for cyclists - far less than miles of
> concrete through parks. In fact I'm happy enough on the roads as they
> are, given a little respect. Cycling will be safest for your kids and
> mine when the roads are designed for cyclists and the motorists respect
> them. Grovel around on paths and that's where we'll all be soon. I've
> taught my kids to ride in the parks, but hope they'll graduate to roads
> in their own time.
>
> Let's not compete against each other. The point is the total cycling
> budget is woeful. We have much better enemies to fight than each other.
>
> Donga

Absolutely. That's why I wrote 'safe routes' not 'safe paths'. In my mind a
safe route comprises something like a combination of a segregated path
alongside a freeways, highways and other high-speed roads and use of
ordinary roads elsewhere in a culture that supports cycling as a normal part
of traffic. In that respect I'm something of an idealist - I recon the
culture can be changed while the physical infrastructure (paths, etc.) are
being built. I think of culture as a sort of intangible infrastructure that
needs as much (if not more) attention as the concrete stuff.

me