Danger Threat to all Cycling Newsgroups - VanDolan!!!

[Robert Haston]

Recent anti-terrorist investigations have unveiled a horrible plot against
top cycling newsgroups. It seems a cult of extremely rabid anti-cyclist
"Autolians" have succeeded where the Raelians have failed. They have not
only cloned a human, but a human that is the product of the two worst
enemies cycling forums have ever faced.

In a scheme similar to cloning Hitler (as portrayed in the movie "Boys from
Brazil") they have cloned the two worst enemies of the strongest forums for
cycling: rec.bicycles.soc, which is the forum for advancing the social cause
of cycling, and alt.rec.bicycles.recumbent which is the largest forum for
this fastest growing sector of bicycling.

In what internal memos describe as "pure genius" they secretly collected DNA
samples from Mike Vandeman, the lunatic left-wing environmentalist who had
single-handedly brought rec.bicycles.soc to his knees with endless posts,
cross-posts and threatening email wars against off-road cycling (something
..soc specifically excludes).

They stitched Vandeman's DNA with that of Ed Dolan, the radical right wing
neo-conservative, who has cut the top off of .recumbents' meteoric rise and
cast a vision upon it as dark as the wandering bickering that has descended
upon .soc.

The best estimate is that numerous fetuses were cultivated until a healthy
male was carried full-term by a female autolian member who gave birth
sometime in the early to mid '90s. An undisclosed agent who had penetrated
the autolian's sect spoke only after guarantee of anonymity: "You don't
understand the threat this poses. Not only does this combine the most
destructive forces against cycling forums, but our hopes have been dashed
that the near polar extremes of the two paternal donor's backgrounds would
have cancelled."

Secret Autolian documents describing the "golden one's" early mentoring
sessions and writings have rejoiced about the precocious skill of their
clone: "All hail with jubilation!" Our maximum extremist streaks around the
margins of political discourse like an Olympic speed skater! No one can
catch hope to catch his specious ramblings! Death and destruction will fall
upon all cycling and its evil offspring recumbent spawn as they rot from
within! We will soon see the day when we can lurk and laugh uproariously at
their cozy little newsgroup homes flaming self-immolation! And even if it
takes time, our golden son has decades to work upon them; and we have more
on the way!



--
Robert Haston
Satellite Beach, FL

[harv]

Robert, my only regret is that I won't won't be seeing any of Ed's raving
about this marvelous piece of sarcastic humor. If I can remember not to open
any of Sherman's posts (unless clearly marked "do not contain any quote from
Ed Dolan post"), that is. And of course Ed is too paranoid to kill file me,
which would be ideal. Soon everyone on the NG for more than a few weeks will
have kayeffed him, and he likewise.

However, you violated the unwritten law of bike NGs to never spell
v*nd*m*n's name, and along with the word h*l*m*t are verboten. If mv finds
us here, I wish the eternal curse of the p*nct*r* f**ry on you.
Harv, here in the flatlands of Kane county Illinois.
"Robert Haston" > wrote in message
k.net...
> Recent anti-terrorist investigations have unveiled a horrible plot against
> top cycling newsgroups. It seems a cult of extremely rabid anti-cyclist
> "Autolians" have succeeded where the Raelians have failed. They have not
> only cloned a human, but a human that is the product of the two worst
> enemies cycling forums have ever faced.
>
> In a scheme similar to cloning Hitler (as portrayed in the movie "Boys
from
> Brazil") they have cloned the two worst enemies of the strongest forums
for
> cycling: rec.bicycles.soc, which is the forum for advancing the social
cause
> of cycling, and alt.rec.bicycles.recumbent which is the largest forum for
> this fastest growing sector of bicycling.
>
> In what internal memos describe as "pure genius" they secretly collected
DNA
> samples from Mike Vandeman, the lunatic left-wing environmentalist who had
> single-handedly brought rec.bicycles.soc to his knees with endless posts,
> cross-posts and threatening email wars against off-road cycling (something
> .soc specifically excludes).
>
> They stitched Vandeman's DNA with that of Ed Dolan, the radical right wing
> neo-conservative, who has cut the top off of .recumbents' meteoric rise
and
> cast a vision upon it as dark as the wandering bickering that has
descended
> upon .soc.
>
> The best estimate is that numerous fetuses were cultivated until a healthy
> male was carried full-term by a female autolian member who gave birth
> sometime in the early to mid '90s. An undisclosed agent who had
penetrated
> the autolian's sect spoke only after guarantee of anonymity: "You don't
> understand the threat this poses. Not only does this combine the most
> destructive forces against cycling forums, but our hopes have been dashed
> that the near polar extremes of the two paternal donor's backgrounds would
> have cancelled."
>
> Secret Autolian documents describing the "golden one's" early mentoring
> sessions and writings have rejoiced about the precocious skill of their
> clone: "All hail with jubilation!" Our maximum extremist streaks around
the
> margins of political discourse like an Olympic speed skater! No one can
> catch hope to catch his specious ramblings! Death and destruction will
fall
> upon all cycling and its evil offspring recumbent spawn as they rot from
> within! We will soon see the day when we can lurk and laugh uproariously
at
> their cozy little newsgroup homes flaming self-immolation! And even if it
> takes time, our golden son has decades to work upon them; and we have more
> on the way!
>
>
>
> --
> Robert Haston
> Satellite Beach, FL
>
>

[Dean Arthur]

A Brown Ribbon for B--- S----!

[Tom Sherman]

harv wrote:
> ...
> Harv, here in the flatlands of Kane county Illinois.

Harv,

You can always do laps on the Johnson's Mound Forest Preserve road (and
a short section of Hughes Road to complete the loop).

Tom Sherman - Planet Earth

[[email protected]]

In rec.bicycles.soc Robert Haston > wrote:
: samples from Mike Vandeman, the lunatic left-wing environmentalist who had

I wasn't aware of Vandeman being left-wing. I guess the other
attributes kinda overshadow this. Thanks for pointing it out.

: The best estimate is that numerous fetuses were cultivated until a healthy
: male was carried full-term by a female autolian member who gave birth
: sometime in the early to mid '90s. An undisclosed agent who had penetrated
: the autolian's sect spoke only after guarantee of anonymity: "You don't
: understand the threat this poses. Not only does this combine the most
: destructive forces against cycling forums, but our hopes have been dashed
: that the near polar extremes of the two paternal donor's backgrounds would
: have cancelled."

Holy Rim And Spokes! I suggest we hit the road with our trikes
before it is too late! In the post-holocaust world, the best
survival plan is to form a network of trusted cyclists. We can do
this on the road via wireless encrypted communications, and each
new member of the community will only be accepted with a
certificate authorized through the chain of trust, leading to the
first Autarch of the community.

--
Risto Varanka | http://www.helsinki.fi/~rvaranka/hpv/hpv.html
varis at no spam please iki fi

[Q.]

"Robert Haston" > wrote

> Recent anti-terrorist investigations have unveiled a horrible plot against
> top cycling newsgroups.

Liar!

>It seems a cult of extremely rabid anti-cyclist
> "Autolians" have succeeded where the Raelians have failed. They have not
> only cloned a human, but a human that is the product of the two worst
> enemies cycling forums have ever faced.

Dum Dum.

> In a scheme similar to cloning Hitler (as portrayed in the movie "Boys
from
> Brazil") they have cloned the two worst enemies of the strongest forums
for
> cycling: rec.bicycles.soc, which is the forum for advancing the social
cause
> of cycling, and alt.rec.bicycles.recumbent which is the largest forum for
> this fastest growing sector of bicycling.

Only an idiot on a mountain bike would write this, QED.

> In what internal memos describe as "pure genius" they secretly collected
DNA
> samples from Mike Vandeman, the lunatic left-wing environmentalist who had
> single-handedly brought rec.bicycles.soc to his knees with endless posts,
> cross-posts and threatening email wars against off-road cycling (something
> .soc specifically excludes).

I am a God, so everything you say is a lie, 100% of the time all mountain
bikers eat dill pickles with a nice béarnaise sauce.

> They stitched Vandeman's DNA with that of Ed Dolan, the radical right wing
> neo-conservative, who has cut the top off of .recumbents' meteoric rise
and
> cast a vision upon it as dark as the wandering bickering that has
descended
> upon .soc.

I am the one who uses brains and a mighty weed whacker to bring truth to the
masses, and everyone agrees with me!

> The best estimate is that numerous fetuses were cultivated until a healthy
> male was carried full-term by a female autolian member who gave birth
> sometime in the early to mid '90s. An undisclosed agent who had
penetrated
> the autolian's sect spoke only after guarantee of anonymity: "You don't
> understand the threat this poses. Not only does this combine the most
> destructive forces against cycling forums, but our hopes have been dashed
> that the near polar extremes of the two paternal donor's backgrounds would
> have cancelled."

Wi nøt trei a høliday in Sweden this yër ?

> Secret Autolian documents describing the "golden one's" early mentoring
> sessions and writings have rejoiced about the precocious skill of their
> clone: "All hail with jubilation!" Our maximum extremist streaks around
the
> margins of political discourse like an Olympic speed skater!

A Møøse once bit my sister...

>No one can catch hope to catch his specious ramblings! Death and
destruction will fall
> upon all cycling and its evil offspring recumbent spawn as they rot from
> within! We will soon see the day when we can lurk and laugh uproariously
at
> their cozy little newsgroup homes flaming self-immolation! And even if it
> takes time, our golden son has decades to work upon them; and we have more
> on the way!

No realli! She was Karving her initials øn the møøse with the sharpened end
of an interspace tøøthbrush given her by Svenge - her brother-in-law -an
Oslo dentist and star of many Norwegian møvies: "The Høt Hands of an Oslo
Dentist", "Fillings of Passion", "The Huge Mølars of Horst Nordfink"...

> --
> Robert Haston
> Satellite Beach, FL

Dang, is it April 1 already?!?

C.Q.C.
I am working on a world free of human beings starting with everyone else but
me. Please help eradicate the infestation at
www.butlermentalhospital.org/outpatient/ravinglunitic

[harv]

I used to do that 20 years ago. I would sometimes climb the mound straight
up the back (up the down road). Not much traffic back then. I could count my
pulse without having to press on any artery. Twice up the hill was enough
for me. The local roady guru [1] told me that they added four or five loops
to their Wed. night training ride and thanked me for telling him where it
was. Now I would go into cardiac arrest halfway up. Besides all the old good
roads, so void of motorized traffic, that I used to ride out that way are
now populated by dicks, carelessly pointing huge fast metal things on those
same roads.

1. Bill McGinty owned the local Schwinnery and was several times IL state TT
champion.
"Tom Sherman" > wrote in message
...
>
> harv wrote:
> > ...
> > Harv, here in the flatlands of Kane county Illinois.
>
> Harv,
>
> You can always do laps on the Johnson's Mound Forest Preserve road (and
> a short section of Hughes Road to complete the loop).
>
> Tom Sherman - Planet Earth

[Tom Sherman]

harv wrote:
>
> I used to do that 20 years ago. I would sometimes climb the mound straight
> up the back (up the down road). Not much traffic back then. I could count my
> pulse without having to press on any artery. Twice up the hill was enough
> for me. The local roady guru [1] told me that they added four or five loops
> to their Wed. night training ride and thanked me for telling him where it
> was. Now I would go into cardiac arrest halfway up. Besides all the old good
> roads, so void of motorized traffic, that I used to ride out that way are
> now populated by dicks, carelessly pointing huge fast metal things on those
> same roads.

Harv,

From what I have seen, traffic is pretty bad east of Route 47 in most of
Kane County. [Insert flamewar about urban sprawl here].

Tom Sherman - Planet Earth

[Dean Arthur]

wrote:
>
> each
> new member of the community will only be accepted...

With certificate of authenticity as to rusty chain of [t]rust!