Tolkien and Bicycles

[Peter Gardner]

What with the new movie that just came out, and my acquisition of
several books over Christmas, I've been in a Tolkienish mood lately. So
naturally, my mind turns to bicycles in Middle-Earth.

Now, when most people hear "the riders of Rohan", they assume horses.
But bikes would make a lot of sense too -- can't you imagine the
Rohirrim pedaling down into pellinor fields?

Actually, this all started when my friends and I were debating the
relative sexiness of Arwen and Eowyn. I delivered my crushing argument
(well, if Eowyn were around now, she'd definitely ride a bike," but my
friends just looked at me funny. The fools.

So:

In the ongoing debates on frame material, how would mithril be?

Would orcs drive SUVs?

Should helmets be manditory at least in battle situations? And would
styrofoam/steel really protect you against boulders being flung by orc
catapults?

Peter

Three wheels for the elf-lords under the sky
Seven for the dwarf kings on their bikes of stone
Nine for the mortal men, biking till they die
One for the dark lord on his dark throne

One wheel to rule them all
One wheel to bind them
One wheel to roll them all
And in the darkness find them

In the land of Mordor where the freeways lie.

[Just zis Guy, you know?]

On Tue, 06 Jan 2004 17:18:57 -0500, Peter Gardner
> wrote:

>Now, when most people hear "the riders of Rohan", they assume horses.
>But bikes would make a lot of sense too -- can't you imagine the
>Rohirrim pedaling down into pellinor fields?

Supplied, naturally, by Rivendell...

Guy
===
May contain traces of irony. Contents liable to settle after posting.
http://chapmancentral.demon.co.uk

[Q.]

"Peter Gardner" > wrote in message
...
> What with the new movie that just came out, and my acquisition of
> several books over Christmas, I've been in a Tolkienish mood lately. So
> naturally, my mind turns to bicycles in Middle-Earth.
<snip>

Oh lord, I actually thought about bicycles when I was watching that movie
too. I was thinking what a PITA it would have been to ride up that
loooooooong ramp, but how much fun it would have been to ride down (c:

C.Q.C.

"People used to make fun of me in school for playing D&D, but they quickly
shut up when they saw what I was making in metal shop."

[David Kerber]

In article >,
says...

....

> Actually, this all started when my friends and I were debating the
> relative sexiness of Arwen and Eowyn. I delivered my crushing argument
> (well, if Eowyn were around now, she'd definitely ride a bike," but my
> friends just looked at me funny. The fools.

I wouldn't kick either one of them out of bed for eating crackers.

>
> So:
>
> In the ongoing debates on frame material, how would mithril be?
>
> Would orcs drive SUVs?

No, they'd drive old beat-up pickup trucks and cadillac's.

>
> Should helmets be manditory at least in battle situations? And would
> styrofoam/steel really protect you against boulders being flung by orc
> catapults?
>
> Peter
>
> Three wheels for the elf-lords under the sky
> Seven for the dwarf kings on their bikes of stone
> Nine for the mortal men, biking till they die
> One for the dark lord on his dark throne
>
> One wheel to rule them all
> One wheel to bind them
> One wheel to roll them all
> And in the darkness find them
>
> In the land of Mordor where the freeways lie.


--
Dave Kerber
Fight spam: remove the ns_ from the return address before replying!

REAL programmers write self-modifying code.

[mark]

"Just zis Guy, you know?" wrote ... Peter Gardner wrote:
>
> >Now, when most people hear "the riders of Rohan", they assume horses.
> >But bikes would make a lot of sense too -- can't you imagine the
> >Rohirrim pedaling down into pellinor fields?
>
> Supplied, naturally, by Rivendell...
>
> Guy

Would the Dark Lord ride a recumbent, then?
--
mark

[Mike Kruger]

"Peter Gardner" > wrote in message
news:ude.dmu.maw-
>
> One wheel to rule them all
> One wheel to bind them
> One wheel to roll them all

aka "The Shimano Business Model"

[Mark Hickey]

"mark" > wrote:

>Would the Dark Lord ride a recumbent, then?

Would they be "big ring" wraiths?

What kind of standover height would a hobbit's bike have?

Mark Hickey
Habanero Cycles
http://www.habcycles.com
Home of the $695 ti frame

[MP]

That reminds me of Mark Twain's "A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's
Court." There's a scene in that where a group of knights rides to the
rescue of the King and "the Boss" on high-wheelers.

Come to think of it, if the Rohirrim were on bicycles, there wouldn't
have been that fuss about bringing Merry along. They could have just
hitched up one of those 1 wheeled kids trailers to anyone else's bike.

I suppose the Haradrim would be in SUVs

MP

On Tue, 06 Jan 2004 17:18:57 -0500, Peter Gardner
> wrote:

>What with the new movie that just came out, and my acquisition of
>several books over Christmas, I've been in a Tolkienish mood lately. So
>naturally, my mind turns to bicycles in Middle-Earth.
>
>Now, when most people hear "the riders of Rohan", they assume horses.
>But bikes would make a lot of sense too -- can't you imagine the
>Rohirrim pedaling down into pellinor fields?
>
>Actually, this all started when my friends and I were debating the
>relative sexiness of Arwen and Eowyn. I delivered my crushing argument
>(well, if Eowyn were around now, she'd definitely ride a bike," but my
>friends just looked at me funny. The fools.
>
>So:
>
>In the ongoing debates on frame material, how would mithril be?
>
>Would orcs drive SUVs?
>
>Should helmets be manditory at least in battle situations? And would
>styrofoam/steel really protect you against boulders being flung by orc
>catapults?
>
>Peter
>
>Three wheels for the elf-lords under the sky
>Seven for the dwarf kings on their bikes of stone
>Nine for the mortal men, biking till they die
>One for the dark lord on his dark throne
>
>One wheel to rule them all
>One wheel to bind them
>One wheel to roll them all
>And in the darkness find them
>
>In the land of Mordor where the freeways lie.

[David Kerber]

In article >,
says...
> "mark" > wrote:
>
> >Would the Dark Lord ride a recumbent, then?
>
> Would they be "big ring" wraiths?

Yes; definitely sloggers, not spinners.

>
> What kind of standover height would a hobbit's bike have?
>
> Mark Hickey
> Habanero Cycles
> http://www.habcycles.com
> Home of the $695 ti frame
>

--
Dave Kerber
Fight spam: remove the ns_ from the return address before replying!

REAL programmers write self-modifying code.

[Tzahi Ben-Moshe]

Hmmm-thought this thread would at least mention Tolkien's story "Leaf by
Niggle". Very straightforward Christian allegory (as opposed to the 'stealth'
kind that the good professor disliked, and which I do as well), but a bicycle
does figure quite prominently in the story. FWIW.

Cheers,
Tzahi Ben-Moshe

Elen sila lumenn' omentielvo!

[qq]

David Kerber wrote:

>>
>>Would orcs drive SUVs?
>
>
> No, they'd drive old beat-up pickup trucks and cadillac's.
>

Given that most of the Orcs had London accents, I would expect them to
drive a variety of old Fords and Vauxhalls, with all the weaponry
transported in a white Ford Transit van. :)


Pete

[Rick Onanian]

On Tue, 6 Jan 2004 19:44:27 -0500, David Kerber
> wrote:
says...
>> Would orcs drive SUVs?
>
>No, they'd drive old beat-up pickup trucks and cadillac's.

Maybe I should reconsider my dislike of LOTR.
--
Rick Onanian

[Kaputnik]

Rick Onanian > wrote in message >...
> On Tue, 6 Jan 2004 19:44:27 -0500, David Kerber
> > wrote:
> says...
> >> Would orcs drive SUVs?
> >
> >No, they'd drive old beat-up pickup trucks and cadillac's.
>
> Maybe I should reconsider my dislike of LOTR.

If you're basing that on the movies, perhaps you should. Try reading
the books. The movies don't come close to doing them justice.

If you dislike the books too, well, I guess that about does it. ;)

[David Reuteler]

Kaputnik > wrote:
: The movies don't come close to doing them justice.

poor peter jackson. well, imho his best work was "Bad Taste" anyway.

http://tinyurl.com/22wrh

my god that movie is great. so is forgotten silver (a mockumentary) but for
the record i enjoyed the movies just fine but nothing could be expected to
compare to the books.
--
david reuteler

[David Kerber]

In article >,
says...
> Rick Onanian > wrote in message >...
> > On Tue, 6 Jan 2004 19:44:27 -0500, David Kerber
> > > wrote:
> > says...
> > >> Would orcs drive SUVs?
> > >
> > >No, they'd drive old beat-up pickup trucks and cadillac's.
> >
> > Maybe I should reconsider my dislike of LOTR.
>
> If you're basing that on the movies, perhaps you should. Try reading
> the books. The movies don't come close to doing them justice.

The extended versions of the movies do a much better job, IMO. They
fill out the characters and the background of why things happened the
way they did so that things make a lot more sense than in the
original cuts.

>
> If you dislike the books too, well, I guess that about does it. ;)
>

--
Dave Kerber
Fight spam: remove the ns_ from the return address before replying!

REAL programmers write self-modifying code.

[Jeremy Parker]

"Peter Gardner" > wrote in
message
...
> What with the new movie that just came out, and my acquisition of
> several books over Christmas, I've been in a Tolkienish mood
lately. So
> naturally, my mind turns to bicycles in Middle-Earth.
>
Well, in real life Tolkien lived in Oxford, one of Britain's top
cycling towns.

There's the story of the philosophy professor observed one day coming
out of the Bodlien Library, and discovering that his bike tyre was
flat. When he started pumping up the front tyre, although it was the
back that was flat, a watching student queried him on the subject.
The professor made the immortal reply, "Er, don't they communicate?"

Jeremy Parker

[Dane Jackson]

David Reuteler > wrote:
> Kaputnik > wrote:
> : The movies don't come close to doing them justice.

> poor peter jackson. well, imho his best work was "Bad Taste" anyway.

Of course the 5% of the gross he reportedly is getting from the films
might do a little bit to salve his wounded ego.

> http://tinyurl.com/22wrh

> my god that movie is great. so is forgotten silver (a mockumentary) but for
> the record i enjoyed the movies just fine but nothing could be expected to
> compare to the books.

I haven't managed to catch that one. Though I am awfully fond of
"Meet the Feebles". One could say that it's the top film in it's
category. Of course the cynical might say that's because you don't
generally see a lot of behind the scenes theater / love story / drug /
crime / splatter / sex films - with muppets.

--
Dane Jackson - z u v e m b i @ u n i x b i g o t s . o r g
"No job too big; no fee too big!"
-- Dr. Peter Venkman, "Ghost-busters"

[Rick Onanian]

On 7 Jan 2004 20:15:43 -0800, (Kaputnik)
wrote:
>Rick Onanian > wrote in message >...
>> Maybe I should reconsider my dislike of LOTR.
>
>If you're basing that on the movies, perhaps you should. Try reading
>the books. The movies don't come close to doing them justice.
>
>If you dislike the books too, well, I guess that about does it. ;)

When I was in the 7th grade, I started reading The Hobbit. I don't
remember if I bothered to finish it.

I never cared for any of it since then. Of course, that was many
years ago, when I was a much different person.

I still tend not to be interested in fantasy-style books.

I'd read more Heinlein space operas if the library had any more,
though.
--
Rick Onanian

[David Kerber]

In article >,
says...
> On 7 Jan 2004 20:15:43 -0800, (Kaputnik)
> wrote:
> >Rick Onanian > wrote in message >...
> >> Maybe I should reconsider my dislike of LOTR.
> >
> >If you're basing that on the movies, perhaps you should. Try reading
> >the books. The movies don't come close to doing them justice.
> >
> >If you dislike the books too, well, I guess that about does it. ;)
>
> When I was in the 7th grade, I started reading The Hobbit. I don't
> remember if I bothered to finish it.

The Hobbit is rather slower-paced than the LOTR trilogy.

.....

--
Dave Kerber
Fight spam: remove the ns_ from the return address before replying!

REAL programmers write self-modifying code.

[MP]

On Thu, 8 Jan 2004 10:29:03 -0500, David Kerber
> wrote:


>The Hobbit is rather slower-paced than the LOTR trilogy.

The Hobbit is also a children's book. A good one, but written in a
very different style than LOTR.
>
>....

[David Reuteler]

Dane Jackson > wrote:
: I haven't managed to catch that one. Though I am awfully fond of
: "Meet the Feebles".

then you'll love "Bad Taste." .. i own "Meet the Feebles" as well, but it's
a definite second place to "Bad Taste." it was made earlier on less money
and is far "quirkier." one thing to watch is that only 3 of the 4 people
who made the film are ever on at once .. legend has it because one of them
had to operate the camera. and then there's the Beatle's van.

: One could say that it's the top film in it's
: category. Of course the cynical might say that's because you don't
: generally see a lot of behind the scenes theater / love story / drug /
: crime / splatter / sex films - with muppets.

bah. cynics. otoh the gore discipline has been pretty full explored and
it comes out on top there as well. no muppets in bad taste, but there is
the requisite chainsaw.

my taste in film is often pretty suspect, tho. i am for instance the only
person to ever enjoy the soundtrack to "Liquid Sky" in any capacity.
--
david reuteler

[Rick Onanian]

On Thu, 8 Jan 2004 10:29:03 -0500, David Kerber
> wrote:
says...
>> When I was in the 7th grade, I started reading The Hobbit. I don't
>> remember if I bothered to finish it.
>
>The Hobbit is rather slower-paced than the LOTR trilogy.

I thought it was part of said trilogy. Is it not?
--
Rick Onanian

[Q.]

"Rick Onanian" > wrote in message
...
> On Thu, 8 Jan 2004 10:29:03 -0500, David Kerber
> > wrote:
> says...
> >> When I was in the 7th grade, I started reading The Hobbit. I don't
> >> remember if I bothered to finish it.
> >
> >The Hobbit is rather slower-paced than the LOTR trilogy.
>
> I thought it was part of said trilogy. Is it not?

Sorta ... The Hobbit came out first as a successful children's book, then
when it was time to write the next story it eventually turned out to be a
1000 page book called The Lord of the Rings. The publisher decided to
release it in 3 volumes. The Hobbit can be considered a prequel to LotR.

Yeah, I like Heinlein too. Check out "Heinleiner" in
www.pseudodictionary.com

C.Q.C.

[MP]

On Thu, 8 Jan 2004 18:58:09 -0500, "Q." <LostVideos-AT-hotmail.com>
wrote:

>
>"Rick Onanian" > wrote in message
...
>> On Thu, 8 Jan 2004 10:29:03 -0500, David Kerber
>> > wrote:
>> says...
>> >> When I was in the 7th grade, I started reading The Hobbit. I don't
>> >> remember if I bothered to finish it.
>> >
>> >The Hobbit is rather slower-paced than the LOTR trilogy.
>>
>> I thought it was part of said trilogy. Is it not?
>
>Sorta ... The Hobbit came out first as a successful children's book, then
>when it was time to write the next story it eventually turned out to be a
>1000 page book called The Lord of the Rings. The publisher decided to
>release it in 3 volumes. The Hobbit can be considered a prequel to LotR.
>


Tolkien actually went back and revised The Hobbit slightly to make it
more compatible with the story in LOTR.

Still, despite the connection, The Hobbit is intended primarily for
children, and LOTR for adults.

[David Kerber]

In article >,
says...
> On Thu, 8 Jan 2004 10:29:03 -0500, David Kerber
> > wrote:
> says...
> >> When I was in the 7th grade, I started reading The Hobbit. I don't
> >> remember if I bothered to finish it.
> >
> >The Hobbit is rather slower-paced than the LOTR trilogy.
>
> I thought it was part of said trilogy. Is it not?

No, the trilogy consists of "The Fellowship of the Ring", "The Two
Towers", and "The Return of the King". "The Hobbit" is kind of a
prequel to the trilogy, but it also stands alone rather well.

> --
> Rick Onanian
>

--
Dave Kerber
Fight spam: remove the ns_ from the return address before replying!

REAL programmers write self-modifying code.

[Tom Keats]

In article >,
MP > writes:

> Still, despite the connection, The Hobbit is intended primarily for
> children, and LOTR for adults.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

And, when intermingled with Alistair Crowley falderal --
Led Zepelin fans.


cheers,
Tom

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