Can You Do This Ben?

[B. Lafferty]

No need to visit the toilet! I suggest that Chessbase should start a new
service to modify fillings in teeth to receive sound signals. You will
recall that Fischer had all his fillings removed because he knew the
Russians were beaming waves at him through his teeth. Presumably they were
advising him to play weak moves.

There would be an inital dental charge and then a monthly subscription. The
amount of the subscription would depend on whether a player wanted to
receive only the best moves, or the moves and current score for the
position, or some other service such as all the openings data for the
opponent from the current position. The subscription could also vary
according to the current ranking of the program being accessed.

Revenue streams would be:

1.. Commission on the dental fees.
2.. Subscription income for receipt of moves etc.
3.. A percentage of prize money won.
4.. Bonus payments when a subscriber gets the FM, IM or GM title (etc.)
For suggesting the idea I should receive 5% of Chessbase's net income from
the scheme. Please ask your patent agent to resigister this idea. I suggest
we launch the service in New York later this month - they have plenty of
dentists there.

http://www.chessbase.com/newsdetail.asp?newsid=693

[RicodJour]

B. Lafferty wrote:
> No need to visit the toilet! I suggest that Chessbase should start a new
> service to modify fillings in teeth to receive sound signals. You will
> recall that Fischer had all his fillings removed because he knew the
> Russians were beaming waves at him through his teeth. Presumably they were
> advising him to play weak moves.

There's that old saying, just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean
that they're not out to get you. In light of recent events in London,
maybe it's not so far fetched. Then again we are talking about Bobby
Fischer...

> There would be an inital dental charge and then a monthly subscription. The
> amount of the subscription would depend on whether a player wanted to
> receive only the best moves, or the moves and current score for the
> position, or some other service such as all the openings data for the
> opponent from the current position. The subscription could also vary
> according to the current ranking of the program being accessed.
>
> Revenue streams would be:
>
> 1.. Commission on the dental fees.
> 2.. Subscription income for receipt of moves etc.
> 3.. A percentage of prize money won.
> 4.. Bonus payments when a subscriber gets the FM, IM or GM title (etc.)
>
> For suggesting the idea I should receive 5% of Chessbase's net income from
> the scheme. Please ask your patent agent to resigister this idea. I suggest
> we launch the service in New York later this month - they have plenty of
> dentists there.

I thought lawyers started out like records - 33 1/3%

If you're in need of some NY dentists I doubt you could do better than
enlisting the Bornfeld twins with their built-in alibi - "Officer, it
wasn't me! My evil twin did it!" ;)

R

[Donald Munro]

RicodJour wrote:
> If you're in need of some NY dentists I doubt you could do better than
> enlisting the Bornfeld twins with their built-in alibi - "Officer, it
> wasn't me! My evil twin did it!" ;)

The bug I built into their tv tells me their dog is called Birillo.
Now the only question is which twin in that axis is the evilest.

[Steven Bornfeld]

RicodJour wrote:
> B. Lafferty wrote:
>> No need to visit the toilet! I suggest that Chessbase should start a new
>> service to modify fillings in teeth to receive sound signals. You will
>> recall that Fischer had all his fillings removed because he knew the
>> Russians were beaming waves at him through his teeth. Presumably they were
>> advising him to play weak moves.
>
> There's that old saying, just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean
> that they're not out to get you. In light of recent events in London,
> maybe it's not so far fetched. Then again we are talking about Bobby
> Fischer...
>
>> There would be an inital dental charge and then a monthly subscription. The
>> amount of the subscription would depend on whether a player wanted to
>> receive only the best moves, or the moves and current score for the
>> position, or some other service such as all the openings data for the
>> opponent from the current position. The subscription could also vary
>> according to the current ranking of the program being accessed.
>>
>> Revenue streams would be:
>>
>> 1.. Commission on the dental fees.
>> 2.. Subscription income for receipt of moves etc.
>> 3.. A percentage of prize money won.
>> 4.. Bonus payments when a subscriber gets the FM, IM or GM title (etc.)
>>
>> For suggesting the idea I should receive 5% of Chessbase's net income from
>> the scheme. Please ask your patent agent to resigister this idea. I suggest
>> we launch the service in New York later this month - they have plenty of
>> dentists there.
>
> I thought lawyers started out like records - 33 1/3%
>
> If you're in need of some NY dentists I doubt you could do better than
> enlisting the Bornfeld twins with their built-in alibi - "Officer, it
> wasn't me! My evil twin did it!" ;)
>
> R
>


Ya know, Mark DOES call me the evil twin--to his patients. But they
ain't all dumb, and they eventually see the light.
As for myself, I appreciate Brian's efforts to help us overcome the
damage done to the bottom line through managed care.

Steve

[Steven Bornfeld]

Donald Munro wrote:
> RicodJour wrote:
>> If you're in need of some NY dentists I doubt you could do better than
>> enlisting the Bornfeld twins with their built-in alibi - "Officer, it
>> wasn't me! My evil twin did it!" ;)
>
> The bug I built into their tv tells me their dog is called Birillo.
> Now the only question is which twin in that axis is the evilest.
>


I actually don't know who this guy is:

http://www.birillo.com/

I am currently dogless (and likely to remain so unless we buy a house).
My brother has a manic whippet named Max. We keep our legs together
when we visit.

Steve

[RicodJour]

Steven Bornfeld wrote:
> RicodJour wrote:
> >
> > If you're in need of some NY dentists I doubt you could do better than
> > enlisting the Bornfeld twins with their built-in alibi - "Officer, it
> > wasn't me! My evil twin did it!" ;)
> >
>
> Ya know, Mark DOES call me the evil twin--to his patients. But they
> ain't all dumb, and they eventually see the light.
> As for myself, I appreciate Brian's efforts to help us overcome the
> damage done to the bottom line through managed care.

Hmmm, you know I'm starting to wonder. Only one of you posts, those
pictures could be Photoshopped. Maybe there isn't an evil twin at all!
Maybe it's all some sort of elaborate...

Oh, God. What did I just say?! I've seen Marathon Man and Little Shop
of Horrors! You're not going to torture me are you? Oh, wait,
dentists don't do house calls. I'm safe. Whew.

R

[Steven Bornfeld]

RicodJour wrote:
> Steven Bornfeld wrote:
>> RicodJour wrote:
>>> If you're in need of some NY dentists I doubt you could do better than
>>> enlisting the Bornfeld twins with their built-in alibi - "Officer, it
>>> wasn't me! My evil twin did it!" ;)
>>>
>> Ya know, Mark DOES call me the evil twin--to his patients. But they
>> ain't all dumb, and they eventually see the light.
>> As for myself, I appreciate Brian's efforts to help us overcome the
>> damage done to the bottom line through managed care.
>
> Hmmm, you know I'm starting to wonder. Only one of you posts, those
> pictures could be Photoshopped. Maybe there isn't an evil twin at all!
> Maybe it's all some sort of elaborate...
>
> Oh, God. What did I just say?! I've seen Marathon Man and Little Shop
> of Horrors! You're not going to torture me are you? Oh, wait,
> dentists don't do house calls. I'm safe. Whew.
>
> R
>

I've done housecalls, but it's a mission of mercy. The only photo I
know of us out there Papai put on rbr website--it must be easily 10
years old.
I wish Mark WERE photoshopped sometimes.

Steve

[Howard Kveck]

In article et>,
Steven Bornfeld > wrote:

> Ya know, Mark DOES call me the evil twin--to his patients. But they
> ain't all dumb, and they eventually see the light.

So which one of you two has the poster of Sir Larry saying, "Is it safe?" on the
wall?

http://www.cinemovies.fr/images/data/films/Pfilm68941177705707.jpg

--
tanx,
Howard

Never take a tenant with a monkey.

remove YOUR SHOES to reply, ok?

[Steven Bornfeld]

Howard Kveck wrote:
> In article et>,
> Steven Bornfeld > wrote:
>
>> Ya know, Mark DOES call me the evil twin--to his patients. But they
>> ain't all dumb, and they eventually see the light.
>
> So which one of you two has the poster of Sir Larry saying, "Is it safe?" on the
> wall?
>
> http://www.cinemovies.fr/images/data/films/Pfilm68941177705707.jpg
>


What a ridiculous photo. That's not how you do it!

Steve

[Donald Munro]

RicodJour wrote:
>>> If you're in need of some NY dentists I doubt you could do better than
>>> enlisting the Bornfeld twins with their built-in alibi - "Officer, it
>>> wasn't me! My evil twin did it!" ;)

Donald Munro wrote:
>> The bug I built into their tv tells me their dog is called Birillo.
>> Now the only question is which twin in that axis is the evilest.
>>
>
Steven Bornfeld wrote:
> I actually don't know who this guy is:
> http://www.birillo.com/

Conclusive. I mean what New Yorker wouldn't want a dog that doesn't
require a Pound scooping device when taken for a walk.

> I am currently dogless (and likely to remain so unless we buy a house).
> My brother has a manic whippet named Max. We keep our legs together
> when we visit.

Must be Max van Heeswijk on The List then.

[Fred Fredburger]

Steven Bornfeld wrote:

> My brother has a manic whippet named Max.

As opposed to what other type of whippet?

[RonSonic]

On Sat, 02 Dec 2006 21:20:00 GMT, "B. Lafferty" > wrote:

>No need to visit the toilet! I suggest that Chessbase should start a new
>service to modify fillings in teeth to receive sound signals. You will
>recall that Fischer had all his fillings removed because he knew the
>Russians were beaming waves at him through his teeth. Presumably they were
>advising him to play weak moves.
>
>There would be an inital dental charge and then a monthly subscription. The
>amount of the subscription would depend on whether a player wanted to
>receive only the best moves, or the moves and current score for the
>position, or some other service such as all the openings data for the
>opponent from the current position. The subscription could also vary
>according to the current ranking of the program being accessed.
>
>Revenue streams would be:
>
> 1.. Commission on the dental fees.
> 2.. Subscription income for receipt of moves etc.
> 3.. A percentage of prize money won.
> 4.. Bonus payments when a subscriber gets the FM, IM or GM title (etc.)
>For suggesting the idea I should receive 5% of Chessbase's net income from
>the scheme. Please ask your patent agent to resigister this idea. I suggest
>we launch the service in New York later this month - they have plenty of
>dentists there.
>
>http://www.chessbase.com/newsdetail.asp?newsid=693

Hell, I'll just get somebody to kneecap your opponent. Rates adjusted to the
size of the match. Cheaper, easier, surer.

Ron

[Steven Bornfeld]

Donald Munro wrote:
> RicodJour wrote:
>>>> If you're in need of some NY dentists I doubt you could do better than
>>>> enlisting the Bornfeld twins with their built-in alibi - "Officer, it
>>>> wasn't me! My evil twin did it!" ;)
>
> Donald Munro wrote:
>>> The bug I built into their tv tells me their dog is called Birillo.
>>> Now the only question is which twin in that axis is the evilest.
>>>
> Steven Bornfeld wrote:
>> I actually don't know who this guy is:
>> http://www.birillo.com/
>
> Conclusive. I mean what New Yorker wouldn't want a dog that doesn't
> require a Pound scooping device when taken for a walk.

The NY times is fine.

Steve
>
>> I am currently dogless (and likely to remain so unless we buy a house).
>> My brother has a manic whippet named Max. We keep our legs together
>> when we visit.
>
> Must be Max van Heeswijk on The List then.
>

[Steven Bornfeld]

Fred Fredburger wrote:
> Steven Bornfeld wrote:
>
>> My brother has a manic whippet named Max.
>
> As opposed to what other type of whippet?


I've actually seen some that appear to be good on a leash. I look at
it charitably; that Max is the worst of a generally bad bunch.

Steve

[RicodJour]

Fred Fredburger wrote:
> Steven Bornfeld wrote:
>
> > My brother has a manic whippet named Max.
>
> As opposed to what other type of whippet?

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=whippit

R

[RicodJour]

RicodJour wrote:
> Fred Fredburger wrote:
> > Steven Bornfeld wrote:
> >
> > > My brother has a manic whippet named Max.
> >
> > As opposed to what other type of whippet?
>
> http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=whippit

BTW, that link didn't specify whether the NO2 was used on the patient
during the operation, or whether squeamish dentists used it on
themselves to lessen the effect of their patients screaming. Maybe
both.

R

[Steven Bornfeld]

RicodJour wrote:
> RicodJour wrote:
>> Fred Fredburger wrote:
>>> Steven Bornfeld wrote:
>>>
>>>> My brother has a manic whippet named Max.
>>> As opposed to what other type of whippet?
>> http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=whippit
>
> BTW, that link didn't specify whether the NO2 was used on the patient
> during the operation, or whether squeamish dentists used it on
> themselves to lessen the effect of their patients screaming. Maybe
> both.
>
> R
>


The events portrayed in the link appear to be beyond the normal
doctor-patient relationship.
You get over the squeamish part real quick.

Steve

[Howard Kveck]

In article et>,
Steven Bornfeld > wrote:

> RicodJour wrote:
> > RicodJour wrote:
> >> Fred Fredburger wrote:
> >>> Steven Bornfeld wrote:
> >>>
> >>>> My brother has a manic whippet named Max.
> >>> As opposed to what other type of whippet?
> >> http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=whippit
> >
> > BTW, that link didn't specify whether the NO2 was used on the patient
> > during the operation, or whether squeamish dentists used it on
> > themselves to lessen the effect of their patients screaming. Maybe
> > both.
> >
> > R

> The events portrayed in the link appear to be beyond the normal
> doctor-patient relationship.
> You get over the squeamish part real quick.

I suppose if you didn't get over it you wouldn't have much of a career.

Next time I go, I'm eating onions, Oreos and brocoli beforehand.

--
tanx,
Howard

Never take a tenant with a monkey.

remove YOUR SHOES to reply, ok?

[Steven Bornfeld]

Howard Kveck wrote:
> In article et>,
> Steven Bornfeld > wrote:
>
>> RicodJour wrote:
>>> RicodJour wrote:
>>>> Fred Fredburger wrote:
>>>>> Steven Bornfeld wrote:
>>>>>
>>>>>> My brother has a manic whippet named Max.
>>>>> As opposed to what other type of whippet?
>>>> http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=whippit
>>> BTW, that link didn't specify whether the NO2 was used on the patient
>>> during the operation, or whether squeamish dentists used it on
>>> themselves to lessen the effect of their patients screaming. Maybe
>>> both.
>>>
>>> R
>
>> The events portrayed in the link appear to be beyond the normal
>> doctor-patient relationship.
>> You get over the squeamish part real quick.
>
> I suppose if you didn't get over it you wouldn't have much of a career.
>
> Next time I go, I'm eating onions, Oreos and brocoli beforehand.
>

Yeah, we love this. How about this? When I was a little baby dentist
and perhaps just a wee bit less assertive about this kind of thing, this
young pig walked into my treatment room for her first appointment still
carrying a bag and chewing a mouthful of Cheeze Doodles.

Steve

[[email protected]]

B. Lafferty wrote:
> No need to visit the toilet! I suggest that Chessbase should start a new
> service to modify fillings in teeth to receive sound signals. You will
> recall that Fischer had all his fillings removed because he knew the
> Russians were beaming waves at him through his teeth. Presumably they were
> advising him to play weak moves.

Not sure if I'm the "Ben" you seek - I don't do dental work
without a license anymore, although I might be able to find
you some people with a microwave antenna powerful enough
that you'll be able to receive signals on unmodified fillings.

Sadly, it doesn't help my chess game. After GWB passed the
Patriot Act, I started wearing a tinfoil hat and since then I
haven't been able to get any transmissions, even from the
orbiting alien mind control satellites. If only Bobby Fischer
had taken my advice, things could have been very different.

Ben

[[email protected]]

wrote:

> Sadly, it doesn't help my chess game. After GWB passed the
> Patriot Act, I started wearing a tinfoil hat and since then I
> haven't been able to get any transmissions, even from the
> orbiting alien mind control satellites. If only Bobby Fischer
> had taken my advice, things could have been very different.

BTW, I forgot to mention that when I read Brian's article through
Google Groups, on the right margin it helpfully advertises this
news article:

http://www.hindu.com/2006/12/04/stories/2006120411081900.htm

Humpy takes lead

Doha: Koneru Humpy leads the women's Asian individual chess
championship by half a point when the fourth to sixth rounds
were played on Sunday. ...

I just thought you all needed to know that. I propose
that Koneru Humpy be adopted as Official Chess Master
of RBR.