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View Full Version : Mass Chaos and Confusion : The Caffeine Fairy Strikes Again


Marian
November 7th 08, 02:30 PM
With pictures on the Chinese Eye website:

http://www.chineseye.com/path-users-usr_center&option=blog_show&blogid=407&userid=1406.html

The Espinozas have kindly loaned me their espresso maker for the
duration of the Tour so, in addition to the instant 3 in 1 and the
drip maker the office is going to be totally set for me to do my
little Caffeine Fairy act. I like being the Caffeine Fairy. Although
I personally don't drink that much coffee that often I have found that
having a large and varied supply of good coffee when no one else has
any real coffee at all is a good way to make friends and influence
people.

At my most extreme the travelling coffee kit has included three
different kinds of coffee bean in two different grinds, chocolate
covered coffee beans, a french press, a small butane burner, fuel, an
ubruki for making Turkish coffee, buckwheat honey, clover honey, white
sugar, brown sugar, raw sugar, green tea, black tea, seven kinds of
herbal tea, hot cocoa, and milk.

Last year it was just the drip maker and the electric grinder and I
hadn't even originally intended to bring those. I'd stolen a pot of
coffee from the buffet one morning at breakfast and brought it back to
the office, winning the approval and thanks of both the people working
in the office and the ones just wandering through. Later on in the
day I ordered a pot of coffee from room service and was horrified to
discover that it cost 200rmb! That's USD 25 for a single pot of
coffee. I realize that the race tends to stay at some pretty nice
hotels but that's a ridiculous price for one pot of coffee.

Being as I was living in Sanya at the time when I went to get my
luggage the night before Stage One, I also brought a coffee maker.

It was very popular.
Very very popular.

One of my favorite stories from the 2007 Tour is how I ended up
grinding coffee for the Mongolian National Team. I had offered to let
them take my coffee grinder back with them but the riders who had
brought the coffee beans to me were somewhat lacking in English skills
and the conversation mostly consisted of big smiles, gestures and the
words "you," "girl," "coffee," "yes."

After originally being snapped at for the trouble caused by my coffee
maker and how the office was an office where official office stuff was
supposed to happen and not somewhere where people were supposed to
hang out drinking coffee I somehow ended up being officially
responsible for bringing the coffee this year. Even if the person who
snapped at me isn't a coffee drinker, he knows how to respect public
opinion and too many people not only liked my coffee they also
commented on it.

As a result, although I didn't really bring all that much personal
luggage, the stuff I was lugging this morning when I got picked up
included a newly bought drip maker (the large one I had before
accidentally got put away in the warehouse with the other office stuff
after the triathlon), the Espinozas espresso maker, sugar, and an
electric grinder. I'll be adding milk (both fresh and sweetened
condensed), coconut milk, and cocoa powder in the next day or three.
Also got to get spoons. Compared to what I have carried in the
Caffeine Fairy's basket in the past it's not an especially large
collection but it's more than enough to make the coms (all of whom
come from western countries) and the high powered media types (like
CCTV and ESPN) happy.

While I might not be the kind of kiss-ass who butters up important
people solely because they are important, I do rather a lot of work in
sports and I'm hoping to do even more work in sports so making the
important people happy is a good thing.

Besides which, the coffee makes the most important of the important
people happy - my coworkers.

....though I do wish they would stop bouncing.

Bob Schwartz
November 7th 08, 02:48 PM
Marian wrote:
> "you," "girl," "coffee," "yes."

This is great stuff, thanks.

Bob Schwartz

Kristian M Zoerhoff
November 7th 08, 05:59 PM
On 2008-11-07, Ryan Cousineau > wrote:
> In article >,
> Bob Schwartz > wrote:
>
>> Marian wrote:
>> > "you," "girl," "coffee," "yes."
>>
>> This is great stuff, thanks.
>>
>> Bob Schwartz
>
> Hm. I tried this line at Starbucks today and ended up with a tall skinny
> no-whip vanilla latte.

I take it you really tried to order a tall skinny vanilla barista?

--

Kristian Zoerhoff

Ryan Cousineau
November 7th 08, 06:01 PM
In article >,
Bob Schwartz > wrote:

> Marian wrote:
> > "you," "girl," "coffee," "yes."
>
> This is great stuff, thanks.
>
> Bob Schwartz

Hm. I tried this line at Starbucks today and ended up with a tall skinny
no-whip vanilla latte.

--
Ryan Cousineau http://www.wiredcola.com/
"In other newsgroups, they killfile trolls."
"In rec.bicycles.racing, we coach them."

Ryan Cousineau
November 7th 08, 06:21 PM
In article rg>,
Kristian M Zoerhoff > wrote:

> On 2008-11-07, Ryan Cousineau > wrote:
> > In article >,
> > Bob Schwartz > wrote:
> >
> >> Marian wrote:
> >> > "you," "girl," "coffee," "yes."
> >>
> >> This is great stuff, thanks.
> >>
> >> Bob Schwartz
> >
> > Hm. I tried this line at Starbucks today and ended up with a tall skinny
> > no-whip vanilla latte.
>
> I take it you really tried to order a tall skinny vanilla barista?

I looked him in the eye and said, "you: girl coffee; yes."

Me and that latte had a great time, but it didn't last.

--
Ryan Cousineau http://www.wiredcola.com/
"In other newsgroups, they killfile trolls."
"In rec.bicycles.racing, we coach them."

November 7th 08, 07:13 PM
On Nov 7, 1:21*pm, Ryan Cousineau > wrote:
> In article rg>,
> *Kristian M Zoerhoff > wrote:
>
> > On 2008-11-07, Ryan Cousineau > wrote:
> > > In article >,
> > > *Bob Schwartz > wrote:
>
> > >> Marian wrote:
> > >> > "you," "girl," "coffee," "yes."
>
> > >> This is great stuff, thanks.
>
> > >> Bob Schwartz
>
> > > Hm. I tried this line at Starbucks today and ended up with a tall skinny
> > > no-whip vanilla latte.
>
> > I take it you really tried to order a tall skinny vanilla barista?
>
> I looked him in the eye and said, "you: girl coffee; yes."
>
> Me and that latte had a great time, but it didn't last.
>
> --
> Ryan Cousineau /
> "In other newsgroups, they killfile trolls."
> "In rec.bicycles.racing, we coach them."

Great... now i'm going to be "that guy" at my local coffee shop.
awesome. I'm already "that guy" for a variety of reasons, at a
variety of places. This just seems like too much fun to pass up
though. Of course, most of the barista's @ my LCS are female. This
could get interesting. Maybe I should test this somewhere I don't
frequent so often, like a shop along a ride. Or the local DDs, since I
never go there.

Marian
November 8th 08, 12:35 AM
On Nov 8, 2:21*am, Ryan Cousineau > wrote:
> In article rg>,
> *Kristian M Zoerhoff > wrote:
>
> > On 2008-11-07, Ryan Cousineau > wrote:
> > > In article >,
> > > *Bob Schwartz > wrote:
>
> > >> Marian wrote:
> > >> > "you," "girl," "coffee," "yes."
>
> > >> This is great stuff, thanks.
>
> > >> Bob Schwartz
>
> > > Hm. I tried this line at Starbucks today and ended up with a tall skinny
> > > no-whip vanilla latte.
>
> > I take it you really tried to order a tall skinny vanilla barista?
>
> I looked him in the eye and said, "you: girl coffee; yes."
>
> Me and that latte had a great time, but it didn't last.

You were missing two of the critical elements -

1) The barista must actually be a girl.
2) You must either have a poor command of English or be able to fake
it long enough that the barista takes pity on you.

Failure to have either of these will produce less than optimal
results.

Yours,
-M

Dane Buson
November 8th 08, 12:49 AM
Marian > wrote:
> On Nov 8, 2:21*am, Ryan Cousineau > wrote:
>> In article rg>,
>> *Kristian M Zoerhoff > wrote:
>>
>> > On 2008-11-07, Ryan Cousineau > wrote:
>> > > In article >,
>> > > *Bob Schwartz > wrote:
>>
>> > >> Marian wrote:
>> > >> > "you," "girl," "coffee," "yes."
>>
>> > >> This is great stuff, thanks.
>>
>> > >> Bob Schwartz
>>
>> > > Hm. I tried this line at Starbucks today and ended up with a tall skinny
>> > > no-whip vanilla latte.
>>
>> > I take it you really tried to order a tall skinny vanilla barista?
>>
>> I looked him in the eye and said, "you: girl coffee; yes."
>>
>> Me and that latte had a great time, but it didn't last.
>
> You were missing two of the critical elements -
>
> 1) The barista must actually be a girl.
> 2) You must either have a poor command of English or be able to fake
> it long enough that the barista takes pity on you.
>
> Failure to have either of these will produce less than optimal
> results.

Well, less than optimal for the orderer. Possibly hilarious for the
bystanders.

--
Dane Buson -
"Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but
that's not why we're doing it." -- Richard Feynman

Michael Press
November 8th 08, 01:04 AM
In article
>,
Marian > wrote:

> With pictures on the Chinese Eye website:
>
> http://www.chineseye.com/path-users-usr_center&option=blog_show&blogid=407&userid=1406.html
>
> The Espinozas have kindly loaned me their espresso maker for the
> duration of the Tour so, in addition to the instant 3 in 1 and the
> drip maker the office is going to be totally set for me to do my
> little Caffeine Fairy act. I like being the Caffeine Fairy. Although
> I personally don't drink that much coffee that often I have found that
> having a large and varied supply of good coffee when no one else has
> any real coffee at all is a good way to make friends and influence
> people.
>
> At my most extreme the travelling coffee kit has included three
> different kinds of coffee bean in two different grinds, chocolate
> covered coffee beans, a french press, a small butane burner, fuel, an
> ubruki for making Turkish coffee, buckwheat honey, clover honey, white
> sugar, brown sugar, raw sugar, green tea, black tea, seven kinds of
> herbal tea, hot cocoa, and milk.

I never saw that spelling for ibrik, nor does it show up in a web search.

[...]

Great write up. The brew station table is a beaut.

--
Michael Press

Tom Keats
November 8th 08, 04:00 AM
In article >,
Marian > writes:

> While I might not be the kind of kiss-ass who butters up important
> people solely because they are important, I do rather a lot of work in
> sports and I'm hoping to do even more work in sports so making the
> important people happy is a good thing.
>
> Besides which, the coffee makes the most important of the important
> people happy - my coworkers.

We could interchange the words: "work" and "sports" and
arrive at the same point.

Where I work, I'm often the first (or second, after the boss)
one in the building, so I get to make the first urnful of coffee
of the day for the rest of the crew. I have a can emergency can
of coffee in my locker, and an emergency jar of instant coffee.
And usually, a can of Carnation Hot Chocolate for those who
(like myself) enjoy an occasional ersatz mocha.

But here's another thing: I also maintain a pocketful of
Campino candies or other delightful confections, and hand
them out to co-workers who help me out, or just look like
they've been busting ass and could use ...if not a little
recognition, at least a little treat. I guess it's a
small-'m' mitzvah; a gesture of goodwill to humankind that
pleases Whomever made us human beans.

A lot of the people I work with are temp agency workers.
They come in and make their $70/day, and feel like hell
'cuz they don't have full-time jobs like they used to.

...though I do wish they would stop bouncing.

I wish they'd stop stealing the creamers outa the
lunchroom fridge. Oh, well. I've got CoffeeMate
in my locker. And Carnation Chocolate Milk.

If you want to be popular with people: give 'em stuff.

Politicians such as people who run for Mayor, try to
give the impression that they're giving people stuff
when they're really not.

Hot air, we've already got enough of.

It's good & wholesome to have allies.


Sagittarian cheers,
Tom

--
Nothing is safe from me.
I'm really at:
tkeats curlicue vcn dot bc dot ca

Tom Keats
November 8th 08, 04:28 AM
In article >,
Marian > writes:
>>
>> > > Hm. I tried this line at Starbucks today and ended up with a tall skinny
>> > > no-whip vanilla latte.
>>
>> > I take it you really tried to order a tall skinny vanilla barista?
>>
>> I looked him in the eye and said, "you: girl coffee; yes."
>>
>> Me and that latte had a great time, but it didn't last.
> You were missing two of the critical elements -
> 1) The barista must actually be a girl.

On Vancouver's Commercial Drive, things can get
pretty AC/DC/IC.

But we can all rest assured we're dealing with
fellow human beans, and not trained macaqs who
want as much of your money as they can get.
Or will blow into your cappucino to make it
bubbly and frothy.

Life is weird.


cheers,
Tom

--
Nothing is safe from me.
I'm really at:
tkeats curlicue vcn dot bc dot ca

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