Conflict avoidance

[Light of Aria[_2_]]

I've been working on my conflict avoidance, de-aggression, and "niceness"
recently. Cycling 70KM per week in urbia does unfortunately bring one into
unwanted conflict.

Yesterday, a female Vicky Pollard type with children in tow steps into my
cycle path without looking. I correctly anticipated and halted before the
collision. I calmly said "boo".

Vicky Pollard flies into a rant F-ing and bliming at me, and then her "mate"
piles in as well.

I said "good luck to your children" and moved on.



I have to say I always find these events unpleasant and they cause me
sleepless nights for days afterwards.

I am doing what I can at present to not react and not respond back with
aggression and harsh language.

[Simon Mason]

"Light of Aria" > wrote in message
...
>
> I've been working on my conflict avoidance, de-aggression, and "niceness"
> recently. Cycling 70KM per week in urbia does unfortunately bring one into
> unwanted conflict.
>
> Yesterday, a female Vicky Pollard type with children in tow steps into my
> cycle path without looking. I correctly anticipated and halted before the
> collision. I calmly said "boo".
>
> Vicky Pollard flies into a rant F-ing and bliming at me, and then her
> "mate" piles in as well.
>
> I said "good luck to your children" and moved on.
>
>
>
> I have to say I always find these events unpleasant and they cause me
> sleepless nights for days afterwards.
>
> I am doing what I can at present to not react and not respond back with
> aggression and harsh language.


There is a place for giving someone a foul mouthed tirade and a place for
smiling and saying thank you. The trick is to not let any incident prey on
your mind for long. It's gone forever and mulling over it does no good, so
just learn to erase it from your mind.


--
Simon Mason
http://www.simonmason.karoo.net/

[Roger Thorpe[_6_]]

Simon Mason wrote:
>
> There is a place for giving someone a foul mouthed tirade and a place
> for smiling and saying thank you. The trick is to not let any incident
> prey on your mind for long. It's gone forever and mulling over it does
> no good, so just learn to erase it from your mind.
>
>
This seems right to me. It's the "next b***er to do something like that
gets it.." type of thinking that I have to suppress.

Roger Thorpe

[Mark[_15_]]

On Mon, 23 Mar 2009 12:30:03 -0000, "Light of Aria"
> wrote:

>
>I've been working on my conflict avoidance, de-aggression, and "niceness"
>recently. Cycling 70KM per week in urbia does unfortunately bring one into
>unwanted conflict.
>
>Yesterday, a female Vicky Pollard type with children in tow steps into my
>cycle path without looking. I correctly anticipated and halted before the
>collision. I calmly said "boo".
>
>Vicky Pollard flies into a rant F-ing and bliming at me, and then her "mate"
>piles in as well.
>
>I said "good luck to your children" and moved on.

With a parent like that they need it (luck).

>I have to say I always find these events unpleasant and they cause me
>sleepless nights for days afterwards.

Just ignore them. They don't deserve your attention.

>I am doing what I can at present to not react and not respond back with
>aggression and harsh language.

Well done!

--
(\__/) M.
(='.'=) Owing to the amount of spam posted via googlegroups and
(")_(") their inaction to the problem. I am blocking most articles
posted from there. If you wish your postings to be seen by
everyone you will need use a different method of posting.

[Martin[_2_]]

Light of Aria wrote:
>
> I've been working on my conflict avoidance, de-aggression, and
> "niceness" recently. Cycling 70KM per week in urbia does unfortunately
> bring one into unwanted conflict.
>
> Yesterday, a female Vicky Pollard type with children in tow steps into
> my cycle path without looking. I correctly anticipated and halted before
> the collision. I calmly said "boo".

I think saying "boo" is the wrong approach. You are starting a
conversation in an antagonising way. It would be better to ring a bell
as you approach, especially if you are anticipating someone moving in
front of you. Also remember it is not your cycle path, it belongs to
everyone.

Coming up behind someone on a bike a saying boo is a bit like driving up
behind a cyclist and sounding a horn.

> Vicky Pollard flies into a rant F-ing and bliming at me, and then her
> "mate" piles in as well.
>
> I said "good luck to your children" and moved on.
>
>
>
> I have to say I always find these events unpleasant and they cause me
> sleepless nights for days afterwards.
>
> I am doing what I can at present to not react and not respond back with
> aggression and harsh language.

As soon as you use aggression and harsh language, then the other party
will become defensive or aggressive, and the situation will escalate. If
you started by saying "hello" or some such, then the whole situation
will usually be calmer.

[Light of Aria[_2_]]

"Martin" > wrote in message
...
> Light of Aria wrote:
>>
>> I've been working on my conflict avoidance, de-aggression, and
>> "niceness" recently. Cycling 70KM per week in urbia does unfortunately
>> bring one into unwanted conflict.
>>
>> Yesterday, a female Vicky Pollard type with children in tow steps into
>> my cycle path without looking. I correctly anticipated and halted before
>> the collision. I calmly said "boo".
>
> I think saying "boo" is the wrong approach. You are starting a
> conversation in an antagonising way. It would be better to ring a bell
> as you approach, especially if you are anticipating someone moving in
> front of you. Also remember it is not your cycle path, it belongs to
> everyone.
>
> Coming up behind someone on a bike a saying boo is a bit like driving up
> behind a cyclist and sounding a horn.
>
>> Vicky Pollard flies into a rant F-ing and bliming at me, and then her
>> "mate" piles in as well.
>>
>> I said "good luck to your children" and moved on.
>>
>>
>>
>> I have to say I always find these events unpleasant and they cause me
>> sleepless nights for days afterwards.
>>
>> I am doing what I can at present to not react and not respond back with
>> aggression and harsh language.
>
> As soon as you use aggression and harsh language, then the other party
> will become defensive or aggressive, and the situation will escalate. If
> you started by saying "hello" or some such, then the whole situation
> will usually be calmer.




Totally concurred.

I shall endeavour to use "hello" next time.



As I've said, I am working on some de-aggression techniques. I've got a long
way to go on perfecting this.

[Tosspot[_2_]]

Light of Aria wrote:
>
> I've been working on my conflict avoidance, de-aggression, and
> "niceness" recently. Cycling 70KM per week in urbia does unfortunately
> bring one into unwanted conflict.
>
> Yesterday, a female Vicky Pollard type with children in tow steps into
> my cycle path without looking. I correctly anticipated and halted before
> the collision. I calmly said "boo".
>
> Vicky Pollard flies into a rant F-ing and bliming at me, and then her
> "mate" piles in as well.
>
> I said "good luck to your children" and moved on.

Don't worry about it. Quite often people are on the defensive if they
get caught out and can sometimes give a bit of a mouthful. For me, if
I'm on the receiving and and I think I'm in the right, I either ignore
it or give as good back. If I'm in the wrong (yes I know, the time I
swerved to avoid the bunch of flying pigs) I usually apologize
profusely regardless of the abuse.

[OG]

"Light of Aria" > wrote in message
...
>
> I've been working on my conflict avoidance, de-aggression, and "niceness"
> recently. Cycling 70KM per week in urbia does unfortunately bring one into
> unwanted conflict.
>
> Yesterday, a female Vicky Pollard type with children in tow steps into my
> cycle path without looking. I correctly anticipated and halted before the
> collision. I calmly said "boo".

That seems to be an unfortunate consequence of cycle paths with no real
separation from pedestrians.

[Nigel Cliffe[_3_]]

Light of Aria wrote:
> "Martin" > wrote in message
> ...
>> Light of Aria wrote:
>>>
>>> I've been working on my conflict avoidance, de-aggression, and
>>> "niceness" recently. Cycling 70KM per week in urbia does
>>> unfortunately bring one into unwanted conflict.
>>>
>>> Yesterday, a female Vicky Pollard type with children in tow steps
>>> into my cycle path without looking. I correctly anticipated and
>>> halted before the collision. I calmly said "boo".

>> As soon as you use aggression and harsh language, then the other
>> party will become defensive or aggressive, and the situation will
>> escalate. If you started by saying "hello" or some such, then the
>> whole situation will usually be calmer.


> Totally concurred.
>
> I shall endeavour to use "hello" next time.
>
>
>
> As I've said, I am working on some de-aggression techniques. I've got
> a long way to go on perfecting this.


Unless you're worried about weight or bike appearance(*), I recommend a
old-fashioned "ting-a-ling" bell. (Not the little "ping" ones which are
fitted free to new bikes).

Shouldn't cost more than £10. Listen before buying and get one which
sounds "friendly" and "cheerful".

I have been known to ride along the (quiet deserted rural) lane near my
house on a sunny day just ringing the bell as it sounds cheery.



(* my commuting bike has a bell, my posh "sunny days only never out of
sight" bike does not )


- Nigel



--
Nigel Cliffe,
Webmaster at http://www.2mm.org.uk/

[Brian RobertsOn]

Light of Aria wrote:
> I've been working on my conflict avoidance, de-aggression, and
> "niceness" recently. Cycling 70KM per week in urbia does
> unfortunately bring one into unwanted conflict.
>
> Yesterday, a female Vicky Pollard type with children in tow steps
> into my cycle path without looking. I correctly anticipated and
> halted before the collision. I calmly said "boo".
>
> Vicky Pollard flies into a rant F-ing and bliming at me, and then her
> "mate" piles in as well.
>
> I said "good luck to your children" and moved on.
>
>
>
> I have to say I always find these events unpleasant and they cause me
> sleepless nights for days afterwards.
>
> I am doing what I can at present to not react and not respond back
> with aggression and harsh language.

I am just listening to ' who let the dogs out' by the Baha Men as I type
this. The answer is obvious. Scoot past them a few feet, two fingers over
your shoulder, and shout, WHO LET THE DOGS OUT!