Re: So THAT'S what all those gears are for!

[Mark Wolfe]

Sounds like you have a bit of chain stretch. Measure 12" of chain, and
it should center on the links, if not, replace. It does sound like you
weren't wishing you had that 53/11 on that ride. :)

B.B. wrote:
> I finally found a hill in Texas! I know, I know, shocking. Usually
> I just ride around on the edges of Waco and stay in top gear pretty much
> the whole time. But today I finally decided to explore Cameron Park and
> stayed on bottom gear pretty much the whole time. (:
> Hopefully I can work my way up to some of the middle gears.
> Anyway, I discovered just how insanely dangerous my drive train is
> today because all that shifting left me with a lot of opportunities to
> get the chain a little off so it'd slip under load. Not a fun
> experience, falling at speed, sliding across the road, into the dirt,
> and whacking a tree.
> Oh well, only scrapes and bruises as far as I can tell.
>


--
Mark Wolfe Lakeside, ca http://www.wolfenet.org
gpg fingerprint = 42B6 EFEB 5414 AA18 01B7 64AC EF46 F7E6 82F6 8C71
FAILURE:
When Your Best Just Isn't Good Enough

http://www.despair.com

[Werehatrack]

On Sun, 17 Oct 2004 12:05:42 -0500, "B.B."
> wrote:

> I finally found a hill in Texas! I know, I know, shocking.

Not really. Nine hours away in the Panhandle, there's this place
called Palo Duro Canyon, and out in West Texas there are some
gen-you-wine mountains. Not on the scale of the Alps or the Rockies,
but respectable enough...and you're not likely to get rained on when
you ride them.

>Usually
>I just ride around on the edges of Waco and stay in top gear pretty much
>the whole time. But today I finally decided to explore Cameron Park and
>stayed on bottom gear pretty much the whole time. (:
> Hopefully I can work my way up to some of the middle gears.
> Anyway, I discovered just how insanely dangerous my drive train is
>today because all that shifting left me with a lot of opportunities to
>get the chain a little off so it'd slip under load. Not a fun
>experience, falling at speed, sliding across the road, into the dirt,
>and whacking a tree.
> Oh well, only scrapes and bruises as far as I can tell.

You call Waco flat? Sheesh. C'mon down to Houston, and I'll show you
the topo map of Miami, where it really *is* flat. (Max elevation,
IIRC, is 14 ft above sea level on top of a mound on a park in the
north part of the city; otherwise, it's mostly about 6 to 8 ft above
sea level.)

(I still get strange looks when I tell people that it's nice to live
in Houston, where it's *not* dead flat. Of course, they think my
opinions of the weather and traffic are loony, too; I moved here for
the cool, dry climate, and I like the fact that Houston doesn't have
the kind of murderous rush hours that I grew up with.)
--
Typoes are a feature, not a bug.
Some gardening required to reply via email.
Words processed in a facility that contains nuts.

[Werehatrack]

On Sun, 17 Oct 2004 12:05:42 -0500, "B.B."
> wrote:

> I finally found a hill in Texas! I know, I know, shocking.

Not really. Nine hours away in the Panhandle, there's this place
called Palo Duro Canyon, and out in West Texas there are some
gen-you-wine mountains. Not on the scale of the Alps or the Rockies,
but respectable enough...and you're not likely to get rained on when
you ride them.

>Usually
>I just ride around on the edges of Waco and stay in top gear pretty much
>the whole time. But today I finally decided to explore Cameron Park and
>stayed on bottom gear pretty much the whole time. (:
> Hopefully I can work my way up to some of the middle gears.
> Anyway, I discovered just how insanely dangerous my drive train is
>today because all that shifting left me with a lot of opportunities to
>get the chain a little off so it'd slip under load. Not a fun
>experience, falling at speed, sliding across the road, into the dirt,
>and whacking a tree.
> Oh well, only scrapes and bruises as far as I can tell.

You call Waco flat? Sheesh. C'mon down to Houston, and I'll show you
the topo map of Miami, where it really *is* flat. (Max elevation,
IIRC, is 14 ft above sea level on top of a mound on a park in the
north part of the city; otherwise, it's mostly about 6 to 8 ft above
sea level.)

(I still get strange looks when I tell people that it's nice to live
in Houston, where it's *not* dead flat. Of course, they think my
opinions of the weather and traffic are loony, too; I moved here for
the cool, dry climate, and I like the fact that Houston doesn't have
the kind of murderous rush hours that I grew up with.)
--
Typoes are a feature, not a bug.
Some gardening required to reply via email.
Words processed in a facility that contains nuts.

[B.B.]

In article <2gycd.2400$SW3.1805@fed1read01>,
Mark Wolfe > wrote:

>Sounds like you have a bit of chain stretch. Measure 12" of chain, and
>it should center on the links, if not, replace. It does sound like you
>weren't wishing you had that 53/11 on that ride. :)

Yeah, no ****. (: The funny thing is that while riding around on
the flats I'd often fantasized about faster gears and privately cursed
the weenies who needed all these slow speeds. Seems I'm one of the
weenies needing those low gears and lower.
I know it's not the chain because it's pretty new. These are just
old gears with the square tops on the teeth where the chain can ride
without engaging. So if I don't get the derailer just right the chain
could jump out. I think.
I'll just take my mountain bike next time--new drive train, indexed
shifting, scads of gears and I have to offroad a bit on the way to the
park anyway--might as well bike instead of walking my road bike through
the dirt. Better brakes, too!

--
B.B. --I am not a goat! thegoat4 at airmail.net

[B.B.]

In article <2gycd.2400$SW3.1805@fed1read01>,
Mark Wolfe > wrote:

>Sounds like you have a bit of chain stretch. Measure 12" of chain, and
>it should center on the links, if not, replace. It does sound like you
>weren't wishing you had that 53/11 on that ride. :)

Yeah, no ****. (: The funny thing is that while riding around on
the flats I'd often fantasized about faster gears and privately cursed
the weenies who needed all these slow speeds. Seems I'm one of the
weenies needing those low gears and lower.
I know it's not the chain because it's pretty new. These are just
old gears with the square tops on the teeth where the chain can ride
without engaging. So if I don't get the derailer just right the chain
could jump out. I think.
I'll just take my mountain bike next time--new drive train, indexed
shifting, scads of gears and I have to offroad a bit on the way to the
park anyway--might as well bike instead of walking my road bike through
the dirt. Better brakes, too!

--
B.B. --I am not a goat! thegoat4 at airmail.net

[B.B.]

In article >,
Werehatrack > wrote:

>On Sun, 17 Oct 2004 12:05:42 -0500, "B.B."
> wrote:
>
>> I finally found a hill in Texas! I know, I know, shocking.
>
>Not really. Nine hours away in the Panhandle, there's this place
>called Palo Duro Canyon, and out in West Texas there are some
>gen-you-wine mountains. Not on the scale of the Alps or the Rockies,
>but respectable enough...and you're not likely to get rained on when
>you ride them.

Yeah, I should have been more specific since Texas is 9 billion miles
in every direction and has just about every kind of landscape in
existence.

>You call Waco flat? Sheesh. C'mon down to Houston, and I'll show you
>the topo map of Miami, where it really *is* flat. (Max elevation,
>IIRC, is 14 ft above sea level on top of a mound on a park in the
>north part of the city; otherwise, it's mostly about 6 to 8 ft above
>sea level.)
>
>(I still get strange looks when I tell people that it's nice to live
>in Houston, where it's *not* dead flat. Of course, they think my
>opinions of the weather and traffic are loony, too; I moved here for
>the cool, dry climate, and I like the fact that Houston doesn't have
>the kind of murderous rush hours that I grew up with.)

I haven't been down to Houston since I was 8. But I have been to
Austin recently and I really like all the hills. I'm too used to Dallas
where most hills are just buried landfills and everything else is
pavement buzzing with swarms of Hummers.

--
B.B. --I am not a goat! thegoat4 at airmail.net

[B.B.]

In article >,
Werehatrack > wrote:

>On Sun, 17 Oct 2004 12:05:42 -0500, "B.B."
> wrote:
>
>> I finally found a hill in Texas! I know, I know, shocking.
>
>Not really. Nine hours away in the Panhandle, there's this place
>called Palo Duro Canyon, and out in West Texas there are some
>gen-you-wine mountains. Not on the scale of the Alps or the Rockies,
>but respectable enough...and you're not likely to get rained on when
>you ride them.

Yeah, I should have been more specific since Texas is 9 billion miles
in every direction and has just about every kind of landscape in
existence.

>You call Waco flat? Sheesh. C'mon down to Houston, and I'll show you
>the topo map of Miami, where it really *is* flat. (Max elevation,
>IIRC, is 14 ft above sea level on top of a mound on a park in the
>north part of the city; otherwise, it's mostly about 6 to 8 ft above
>sea level.)
>
>(I still get strange looks when I tell people that it's nice to live
>in Houston, where it's *not* dead flat. Of course, they think my
>opinions of the weather and traffic are loony, too; I moved here for
>the cool, dry climate, and I like the fact that Houston doesn't have
>the kind of murderous rush hours that I grew up with.)

I haven't been down to Houston since I was 8. But I have been to
Austin recently and I really like all the hills. I'm too used to Dallas
where most hills are just buried landfills and everything else is
pavement buzzing with swarms of Hummers.

--
B.B. --I am not a goat! thegoat4 at airmail.net

[dianne_1234]

On Sun, 17 Oct 2004 15:48:20 -0500, "B.B."
> wrote:

> Yeah, I should have been more specific since Texas is 9 billion miles
>in every direction

Careful not to brag too much about how big Texas is. Remember, Alaska
is bigger. And I hear there's a movement to divide the state in two
and make Texas the *third* largest state in the union. ;-)

[dianne_1234]

On Sun, 17 Oct 2004 15:48:20 -0500, "B.B."
> wrote:

> Yeah, I should have been more specific since Texas is 9 billion miles
>in every direction

Careful not to brag too much about how big Texas is. Remember, Alaska
is bigger. And I hear there's a movement to divide the state in two
and make Texas the *third* largest state in the union. ;-)

[B.B.]

In article >,
dianne_1234 > wrote:

>On Sun, 17 Oct 2004 15:48:20 -0500, "B.B."
> wrote:
>
>> Yeah, I should have been more specific since Texas is 9 billion miles
>>in every direction
>
>Careful not to brag too much about how big Texas is. Remember, Alaska
>is bigger. And I hear there's a movement to divide the state in two
>and make Texas the *third* largest state in the union. ;-)

Oh it was complaining, not bragging. (:

--
B.B. --I am not a goat! thegoat4 at airmail.net

[B.B.]

In article >,
dianne_1234 > wrote:

>On Sun, 17 Oct 2004 15:48:20 -0500, "B.B."
> wrote:
>
>> Yeah, I should have been more specific since Texas is 9 billion miles
>>in every direction
>
>Careful not to brag too much about how big Texas is. Remember, Alaska
>is bigger. And I hear there's a movement to divide the state in two
>and make Texas the *third* largest state in the union. ;-)

Oh it was complaining, not bragging. (:

--
B.B. --I am not a goat! thegoat4 at airmail.net

[Sheldon Brown]

B.B. wrote:
> In article >,
> dianne_1234 > wrote:
>
>
>>On Sun, 17 Oct 2004 15:48:20 -0500, "B.B."
> wrote:
>>
>>
>>> Yeah, I should have been more specific since Texas is 9 billion miles
>>>in every direction
>>
>>Careful not to brag too much about how big Texas is. Remember, Alaska
>>is bigger. And I hear there's a movement to divide the state in two
>>and make Texas the *third* largest state in the union. ;-)
>
>
> Oh it was complaining, not bragging. (:
>
From a wonderful group, the Austin Lounge Lizards"

"Stupid Texas Song

"Texas is a big state, North to South and East to West
Alaska doesn't really count, we're bigger than the rest
You can waltz across it, though, so grab your yellow rose
And sing another song of Texas--this is how it goes:
One more stupid song about Texas,
For miles and miles it rambles on
Biggest egos, biggest hair, biggest liars anywhere,
Let's sing another stupid Texas song
By God we're so darn proud to be from Texas--yahoo!
Even of our pride we're proud and we're proud of that pride, too
Our pride about our home state is the proudest pride indeed,
And we're proud to be Americans, until we can secede

"One more stupid song about Texas,
You've heard it all before so sing along
Biggest belt buckles and boasts, love that big old Texas toast,
Let's sing another stupid Texas song
Our accents are the drawliest, our howdies are the y'alliest,
Our Lone Star flag's the waviest, our fried steak's the cream-graviest
Our rattlesnakes the coiliest, our beaches are the oiliest
Our politicians most corrupt, our stop signs most abrupt
Our guitars are the twangiest, our guns are the keblangiest.
Our cows are the Long-horniest, our yodels the forlorniest,
Our cookoffs are the chiliest, our Waylon is the Williest,
Our sausage is the smokiest, our neighbors are the Okiest
From Texarkana to El Paso, Dalhart down to Orange
Every spot in Texas has got what you're looking for
Aren'cha glad that Texas put the stars up in the sky?
If heaven isn't Texas, pardner, I don't want to die

"One more stupid song about Texas, just 'cause we're braggin',
That don't mean it's wrong
Biggest heads and biggest hearts, biggest various body parts,
Let's sing another stupid Texas song
Toss your hats into the air, we're obnoxious (we don't care!)
Let's sing another stupid Texas song
One more blusterin', bumptious, bald faced, brazen, high flown,
high-tone, dander-up, panderin',
pompous, puffed-up, snotty, swaggerin', stupid Texas song!"

Sheldon "Damnyankee" Brown
Newton, Massachusetts
+---------------------------------------------------------+
| Patriotism is your conviction that this country is |
| superior to all others because you were born in it. |
| -- George Bernard Shaw |
+---------------------------------------------------------+
Harris Cyclery, West Newton, Massachusetts
Phone 617-244-9772 FAX 617-244-1041
http://harriscyclery.com
Hard-to-find parts shipped Worldwide
http://captainbike.com http://sheldonbrown.com

[Sheldon Brown]

B.B. wrote:
> In article >,
> dianne_1234 > wrote:
>
>
>>On Sun, 17 Oct 2004 15:48:20 -0500, "B.B."
> wrote:
>>
>>
>>> Yeah, I should have been more specific since Texas is 9 billion miles
>>>in every direction
>>
>>Careful not to brag too much about how big Texas is. Remember, Alaska
>>is bigger. And I hear there's a movement to divide the state in two
>>and make Texas the *third* largest state in the union. ;-)
>
>
> Oh it was complaining, not bragging. (:
>
From a wonderful group, the Austin Lounge Lizards"

"Stupid Texas Song

"Texas is a big state, North to South and East to West
Alaska doesn't really count, we're bigger than the rest
You can waltz across it, though, so grab your yellow rose
And sing another song of Texas--this is how it goes:
One more stupid song about Texas,
For miles and miles it rambles on
Biggest egos, biggest hair, biggest liars anywhere,
Let's sing another stupid Texas song
By God we're so darn proud to be from Texas--yahoo!
Even of our pride we're proud and we're proud of that pride, too
Our pride about our home state is the proudest pride indeed,
And we're proud to be Americans, until we can secede

"One more stupid song about Texas,
You've heard it all before so sing along
Biggest belt buckles and boasts, love that big old Texas toast,
Let's sing another stupid Texas song
Our accents are the drawliest, our howdies are the y'alliest,
Our Lone Star flag's the waviest, our fried steak's the cream-graviest
Our rattlesnakes the coiliest, our beaches are the oiliest
Our politicians most corrupt, our stop signs most abrupt
Our guitars are the twangiest, our guns are the keblangiest.
Our cows are the Long-horniest, our yodels the forlorniest,
Our cookoffs are the chiliest, our Waylon is the Williest,
Our sausage is the smokiest, our neighbors are the Okiest
From Texarkana to El Paso, Dalhart down to Orange
Every spot in Texas has got what you're looking for
Aren'cha glad that Texas put the stars up in the sky?
If heaven isn't Texas, pardner, I don't want to die

"One more stupid song about Texas, just 'cause we're braggin',
That don't mean it's wrong
Biggest heads and biggest hearts, biggest various body parts,
Let's sing another stupid Texas song
Toss your hats into the air, we're obnoxious (we don't care!)
Let's sing another stupid Texas song
One more blusterin', bumptious, bald faced, brazen, high flown,
high-tone, dander-up, panderin',
pompous, puffed-up, snotty, swaggerin', stupid Texas song!"

Sheldon "Damnyankee" Brown
Newton, Massachusetts
+---------------------------------------------------------+
| Patriotism is your conviction that this country is |
| superior to all others because you were born in it. |
| -- George Bernard Shaw |
+---------------------------------------------------------+
Harris Cyclery, West Newton, Massachusetts
Phone 617-244-9772 FAX 617-244-1041
http://harriscyclery.com
Hard-to-find parts shipped Worldwide
http://captainbike.com http://sheldonbrown.com

[Weisse Luft]

Y'all want some hills? Few spots left on the Killer Diller. 50+ mile
of Hill Country racing with over a mile of climbs. Nothing over 12%.
Leave your skinny, flyweight tires at HOME. 337 has some rather nast
chip seal that will eat Supersonics for lunch, especially on th
descents off the big climbs

--
Weisse Luft

[Weisse Luft]

Y'all want some hills? Few spots left on the Killer Diller. 50+ mile
of Hill Country racing with over a mile of climbs. Nothing over 12%.
Leave your skinny, flyweight tires at HOME. 337 has some rather nast
chip seal that will eat Supersonics for lunch, especially on th
descents off the big climbs

--
Weisse Luft

[Chalo]

Werehatrack > wrote:
>
> (I still get strange looks when I tell people that it's nice to live
> in Houston, where it's *not* dead flat.

I was born in Houston, but I lived another 25 years before I met
anybody who _liked_ living there. Of course, living in Austin you
don't come across a whole lot of happy Houstonians.

In all my visits to Houston I never noticed a hill higher than a
freeway overpass, or a detectable slope anywhere. I was especially
amused to discover a neghborhood called "The Heights". Heights? What
is it, 3 feet higher than the rest of the flood plain?

Then there's River Oaks, which features neither one as far as I can
tell. And there are enough housing tracts and apartment complexes
that feature "bluffs" or "cliffs" or "mount" in their names to make me
suspect that Houston folks are confused about what those words mean.
I reckoned that naming every single place in the greater Houston area
"Boggy Flats" might pose its own sort of problems, though.

> Of course, they think my
> opinions of the weather and traffic are loony, too; I moved here for
> the cool, dry climate,

Did you move there from the Mosquito Coast of Honduras?

> and I like the fact that Houston doesn't have
> the kind of murderous rush hours that I grew up with.)

I thought that Houston rush hours were just horrible until I moved to
Seattle. Now they seem relatively tolerable. I still don't
understand the Houston practice of driving a minimum of 80mph while
simultaneously eating, reading the paper, or putting on makeup.

Chalo Colina

[Chalo]

Werehatrack > wrote:
>
> (I still get strange looks when I tell people that it's nice to live
> in Houston, where it's *not* dead flat.

I was born in Houston, but I lived another 25 years before I met
anybody who _liked_ living there. Of course, living in Austin you
don't come across a whole lot of happy Houstonians.

In all my visits to Houston I never noticed a hill higher than a
freeway overpass, or a detectable slope anywhere. I was especially
amused to discover a neghborhood called "The Heights". Heights? What
is it, 3 feet higher than the rest of the flood plain?

Then there's River Oaks, which features neither one as far as I can
tell. And there are enough housing tracts and apartment complexes
that feature "bluffs" or "cliffs" or "mount" in their names to make me
suspect that Houston folks are confused about what those words mean.
I reckoned that naming every single place in the greater Houston area
"Boggy Flats" might pose its own sort of problems, though.

> Of course, they think my
> opinions of the weather and traffic are loony, too; I moved here for
> the cool, dry climate,

Did you move there from the Mosquito Coast of Honduras?

> and I like the fact that Houston doesn't have
> the kind of murderous rush hours that I grew up with.)

I thought that Houston rush hours were just horrible until I moved to
Seattle. Now they seem relatively tolerable. I still don't
understand the Houston practice of driving a minimum of 80mph while
simultaneously eating, reading the paper, or putting on makeup.

Chalo Colina

[Werehatrack]

On 18 Oct 2004 13:29:49 -0700, (Chalo) wrote:

>Werehatrack > wrote:

>> Of course, they think my
>> opinions of the weather and traffic are loony, too; I moved here for
>> the cool, dry climate,
>
>Did you move there from the Mosquito Coast of Honduras?

Nearly as bad. I grew up in Miami.

>> and I like the fact that Houston doesn't have
>> the kind of murderous rush hours that I grew up with.)
>
>I thought that Houston rush hours were just horrible until I moved to
>Seattle. Now they seem relatively tolerable. I still don't
>understand the Houston practice of driving a minimum of 80mph while
>simultaneously eating, reading the paper, or putting on makeup.

It has changed only a little. Now they eat with one hand while
talking on the cell phone with the other. How this is accomplished is
left as an exercise for the student.
--
Typoes are a feature, not a bug.
Some gardening required to reply via email.
Words processed in a facility that contains nuts.

[Werehatrack]

On 18 Oct 2004 13:29:49 -0700, (Chalo) wrote:

>Werehatrack > wrote:

>> Of course, they think my
>> opinions of the weather and traffic are loony, too; I moved here for
>> the cool, dry climate,
>
>Did you move there from the Mosquito Coast of Honduras?

Nearly as bad. I grew up in Miami.

>> and I like the fact that Houston doesn't have
>> the kind of murderous rush hours that I grew up with.)
>
>I thought that Houston rush hours were just horrible until I moved to
>Seattle. Now they seem relatively tolerable. I still don't
>understand the Houston practice of driving a minimum of 80mph while
>simultaneously eating, reading the paper, or putting on makeup.

It has changed only a little. Now they eat with one hand while
talking on the cell phone with the other. How this is accomplished is
left as an exercise for the student.
--
Typoes are a feature, not a bug.
Some gardening required to reply via email.
Words processed in a facility that contains nuts.

[Chalo]

Sheldon Brown > wrote:
>
> From a wonderful group, the Austin Lounge Lizards"
>
> "Stupid Texas Song
<snip excellent stupid Texas song>

Another Austin entertainer, Ed Miller, repopularized an older stupid
Texas song by setting it to the tune of an Irish jig:

The Devil Made Texas - traditional

Oh, the devil in hell they say he was chained,
And there for a thousand years he remained;
He neither complained nor did he groan,
But decided he'd start up a hell of his own,
Where he could torment the souls of men
Without being shut in a prison pen;
So he asked the Lord if he had any sand
Left over from making this great land.

2. The Lord He said, "Yes, I have plenty on hand,
But it's away down south on the Rio Grande,
And to tell you the truth, the stuff is so poor
I doubt it will do for a hell anymore."
The Devil went down and looked over the truck,
And he said if it came as a gift he was stuck,
For when he'd examined it carefully and well
He decided the place was too dry for a hell.

3. But the Lord to just get the stuff off His hands
He promised the Devil He'd water the lands,
For He had some old water that was of no use,
A regular bog hole that stunk like the deuce.
So the contract was signed and the deed was given,
And the Lord returned to his spread up in heaven.
The Devil soon saw he had everything needed
To make a good hell, and I'll say he succeeded.

4. He scattered tarantulas over the road,
Put thorns on the cactus and horns on the toads,
He sprinkled the sand with millions of ants
So the man that sits down must wear soles on his pants.
He lengthened the horns of the Texas steer,
And added an inch to the jack rabbit's ear;
He put water puppies in all of the lakes,
And under the rocks he put rattlesnakes.

5. He hung thorns and brambles on all of the trees.
He mixed up the dust with chiggers and fleas.
The rattlesnakes bites you, the scorpion stings,
The mosquito delights you by buzzing his wings.
The heat in the summer's a hundred and ten--
Too cool for the devil but too hot for men,
And all who remained in that climate soon bore
Stings, cuts, bites, scratches, and blisters galore.

6. He quickened the buck of the bronco steed
And poisoned the feet of the centipede.
The wild boar roams in the black chaparral.
It's a hell of a place that we've got for a hell.
He planted red pepper beside of the brooks;
The Mexicans use them in all that they cook.
Just dine with a Mexican and you will shout,
"I've got hell on the inside as well as the out!"

[Chalo]

Sheldon Brown > wrote:
>
> From a wonderful group, the Austin Lounge Lizards"
>
> "Stupid Texas Song
<snip excellent stupid Texas song>

Another Austin entertainer, Ed Miller, repopularized an older stupid
Texas song by setting it to the tune of an Irish jig:

The Devil Made Texas - traditional

Oh, the devil in hell they say he was chained,
And there for a thousand years he remained;
He neither complained nor did he groan,
But decided he'd start up a hell of his own,
Where he could torment the souls of men
Without being shut in a prison pen;
So he asked the Lord if he had any sand
Left over from making this great land.

2. The Lord He said, "Yes, I have plenty on hand,
But it's away down south on the Rio Grande,
And to tell you the truth, the stuff is so poor
I doubt it will do for a hell anymore."
The Devil went down and looked over the truck,
And he said if it came as a gift he was stuck,
For when he'd examined it carefully and well
He decided the place was too dry for a hell.

3. But the Lord to just get the stuff off His hands
He promised the Devil He'd water the lands,
For He had some old water that was of no use,
A regular bog hole that stunk like the deuce.
So the contract was signed and the deed was given,
And the Lord returned to his spread up in heaven.
The Devil soon saw he had everything needed
To make a good hell, and I'll say he succeeded.

4. He scattered tarantulas over the road,
Put thorns on the cactus and horns on the toads,
He sprinkled the sand with millions of ants
So the man that sits down must wear soles on his pants.
He lengthened the horns of the Texas steer,
And added an inch to the jack rabbit's ear;
He put water puppies in all of the lakes,
And under the rocks he put rattlesnakes.

5. He hung thorns and brambles on all of the trees.
He mixed up the dust with chiggers and fleas.
The rattlesnakes bites you, the scorpion stings,
The mosquito delights you by buzzing his wings.
The heat in the summer's a hundred and ten--
Too cool for the devil but too hot for men,
And all who remained in that climate soon bore
Stings, cuts, bites, scratches, and blisters galore.

6. He quickened the buck of the bronco steed
And poisoned the feet of the centipede.
The wild boar roams in the black chaparral.
It's a hell of a place that we've got for a hell.
He planted red pepper beside of the brooks;
The Mexicans use them in all that they cook.
Just dine with a Mexican and you will shout,
"I've got hell on the inside as well as the out!"