Lance Armstrong Under Formal Investigation

[EP]

PARIS, France

Merely hours after winning this year's TDF, Lance Armstrong was placed under formal investigation in a scandal regarding his gender,
Jean-Marie Leblanc, the director of the Tour de France announced that the US Postal team has been expelled from all future races in
France until his gender can be confirmed.

In a move to circumvent the spread of cancer, Lance's genitals were completely removed right after the Critérium du Dauphiné Libéré.
This is what Lance was referring to when he hinted at problems going into this year's Tour.

Leblanc said the team was being excluded in part to "end the unhealthy climate of gender falsification" that has pervaded the
competition since it got underway in Paris, July 5th.

Leblanc said the decision was "difficult" but "indispensable" for the Tour and for the sport.

Earlier, in Paris, Leblanc said in a statement read by a French lawyer that there was a "concerted" practice of concealing Lance's
gender ever since his genitals were removed.

"The object of removing Lance's genitals was to optimize performances under strict medical control and completely eliminate the
reoccurrence of testicular and penis cancer," said the statement read by French physician Dr. Thibault de Montbrial, "in order to
avoid a situation that could be bad for his health."

Dr. Montbrial went on to say, "Despite gonads with the typical appearance of testes (perhaps altered similarly to those with
cryptorchidism), a feminine gender assignment is unquestionable because of the completely feminine phenotype and because end-organ
failure prevents endocrinologically produced masculinization. Confirmation of the diagnosis is crucial because the syndrome is
associated with a significant incidence of gonadal malignancies. Malignant tumors are termed germinomas or, more properly,
seminomas because the tumors arise in a testis. The youngest reported age of occurrence was 14 years. Overall frequency of gonadal
malignancies is approximately 6%, with incidence rising to more than 30% by age 50 years. Sertoli cell and Leydig cell tumors have
been reported. Tubular cell adenomas, also fairly frequent, have a potential for malignancy because neoplastic transformation has
been reported." Therefore, he said, we had to remove his genitals.

Armstrong, his physician, and a Nike ethicist have been in custody since the end of the Tour today after police found a stash of
prosthetic genitals in the team masseur's car.

The masseur was placed under investigation -- a step short of being charged -- earlier this week.

Officials said Armstrong is under investigation for importing and circulating prohibited merchandise as well as administering,
facilitating and inciting the use of prosthetic genitals to conceal the fact that he is neither male or female.

Prosecutor Jean-Philippe DuPont said earlier that USPS cyclists would be questioned as witnesses in the case after the Tour de
France celebration ends.

As controversy grew, Jean-Paul Escande, former president of a national commission for athletes using prosthetic genitals, said the
affair is unfairly targeting the USPS team. Escande said the use of such prosthetic devices is not widespread in sports.

Armstrong told the L'Equipe newspaper at the Medical Control trailer that he was "broken" by the allegations, and staunchly denied
any involvement in gender falsification. "My wife knows me, and she knows that everything they are saying about me is a serious
lie," he said. Ms. Armstrong had no comment.

Armstrong's main sponsor, United Stated Postal Service, is threatening to pull out of cycling if Lance is not allowed to ride in
next years Tour. An anonymous Nike spokesperson said, "If he isn't allowed to ride with the men next July, then Lance will be
racing in all the women's races in France next year to recuperate lost income."


















Disclaimer

The contents of this message are PARODY, as should be obvious, and therefore are not meant to be taken as fact, or as news. Anyone
who objects to freedom of speech, or expression through parody should ignore the materials on this message. Any persons,
corporations, or other entities referred to on this site appear only for the sake of parody. As parody, I purport none of what
appears on this site to be true. This message does not describe or represent actual events, or facts, but rather fabrications based
on opinions and fact for the sake of amusement.

[Barton Brelem]

ya! this is so credible.... oh look -- isn't that ET outside your door?
****er!

"EP" > wrote in message
...
> PARIS, France
>
> Merely hours after winning this year's TDF, Lance Armstrong was placed
under formal investigation in a scandal regarding his gender,
> Jean-Marie Leblanc, the director of the Tour de France announced that the
US Postal team has been expelled from all future races in
> France until his gender can be confirmed.
>
> In a move to circumvent the spread of cancer, Lance's genitals were
completely removed right after the Critérium du Dauphiné Libéré.
> This is what Lance was referring to when he hinted at problems going into
this year's Tour.
>
> Leblanc said the team was being excluded in part to "end the unhealthy
climate of gender falsification" that has pervaded the
> competition since it got underway in Paris, July 5th.
>
> Leblanc said the decision was "difficult" but "indispensable" for the Tour
and for the sport.
>
> Earlier, in Paris, Leblanc said in a statement read by a French lawyer
that there was a "concerted" practice of concealing Lance's
> gender ever since his genitals were removed.
>
> "The object of removing Lance's genitals was to optimize performances
under strict medical control and completely eliminate the
> reoccurrence of testicular and penis cancer," said the statement read by
French physician Dr. Thibault de Montbrial, "in order to
> avoid a situation that could be bad for his health."
>
> Dr. Montbrial went on to say, "Despite gonads with the typical appearance
of testes (perhaps altered similarly to those with
> cryptorchidism), a feminine gender assignment is unquestionable because of
the completely feminine phenotype and because end-organ
> failure prevents endocrinologically produced masculinization.
Confirmation of the diagnosis is crucial because the syndrome is
> associated with a significant incidence of gonadal malignancies.
Malignant tumors are termed germinomas or, more properly,
> seminomas because the tumors arise in a testis. The youngest reported age
of occurrence was 14 years. Overall frequency of gonadal
> malignancies is approximately 6%, with incidence rising to more than 30%
by age 50 years. Sertoli cell and Leydig cell tumors have
> been reported. Tubular cell adenomas, also fairly frequent, have a
potential for malignancy because neoplastic transformation has
> been reported." Therefore, he said, we had to remove his genitals.
>
> Armstrong, his physician, and a Nike ethicist have been in custody since
the end of the Tour today after police found a stash of
> prosthetic genitals in the team masseur's car.
>
> The masseur was placed under investigation -- a step short of being
charged -- earlier this week.
>
> Officials said Armstrong is under investigation for importing and
circulating prohibited merchandise as well as administering,
> facilitating and inciting the use of prosthetic genitals to conceal the
fact that he is neither male or female.
>
> Prosecutor Jean-Philippe DuPont said earlier that USPS cyclists would be
questioned as witnesses in the case after the Tour de
> France celebration ends.
>
> As controversy grew, Jean-Paul Escande, former president of a national
commission for athletes using prosthetic genitals, said the
> affair is unfairly targeting the USPS team. Escande said the use of such
prosthetic devices is not widespread in sports.
>
> Armstrong told the L'Equipe newspaper at the Medical Control trailer that
he was "broken" by the allegations, and staunchly denied
> any involvement in gender falsification. "My wife knows me, and she knows
that everything they are saying about me is a serious
> lie," he said. Ms. Armstrong had no comment.
>
> Armstrong's main sponsor, United Stated Postal Service, is threatening to
pull out of cycling if Lance is not allowed to ride in
> next years Tour. An anonymous Nike spokesperson said, "If he isn't
allowed to ride with the men next July, then Lance will be
> racing in all the women's races in France next year to recuperate lost
income."
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Disclaimer
>
> The contents of this message are PARODY, as should be obvious, and
therefore are not meant to be taken as fact, or as news. Anyone
> who objects to freedom of speech, or expression through parody should
ignore the materials on this message. Any persons,
> corporations, or other entities referred to on this site appear only for
the sake of parody. As parody, I purport none of what
> appears on this site to be true. This message does not describe or
represent actual events, or facts, but rather fabrications based
> on opinions and fact for the sake of amusement.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>


---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Version: 6.0.504 / Virus Database: 302 - Release Date: 7/24/2003

[Just a Cyclist]

"EP" > wrote in message
...
> PARIS, France
>
> Merely hours after winning this year's TDF, Lance Armstrong was placed
under formal investigation in a scandal regarding his gender,
> Jean-Marie Leblanc, the director of the Tour de France announced that the
US Postal team has been expelled from all future races in
> France until his gender can be confirmed.
>
> In a move to circumvent the spread of cancer, Lance's genitals were
completely removed right after the Critérium du Dauphiné Libéré.
> This is what Lance was referring to when he hinted at problems going into
this year's Tour.
>
> Leblanc said the team was being excluded in part to "end the unhealthy
climate of gender falsification" that has pervaded the
> competition since it got underway in Paris, July 5th.
>
> Leblanc said the decision was "difficult" but "indispensable" for the Tour
and for the sport.
>
> Earlier, in Paris, Leblanc said in a statement read by a French lawyer
that there was a "concerted" practice of concealing Lance's
> gender ever since his genitals were removed.
>
> "The object of removing Lance's genitals was to optimize performances
under strict medical control and completely eliminate the
> reoccurrence of testicular and penis cancer," said the statement read by
French physician Dr. Thibault de Montbrial, "in order to
> avoid a situation that could be bad for his health."
>
> Dr. Montbrial went on to say, "Despite gonads with the typical appearance
of testes (perhaps altered similarly to those with
> cryptorchidism), a feminine gender assignment is unquestionable because of
the completely feminine phenotype and because end-organ
> failure prevents endocrinologically produced masculinization.
Confirmation of the diagnosis is crucial because the syndrome is
> associated with a significant incidence of gonadal malignancies.
Malignant tumors are termed germinomas or, more properly,
> seminomas because the tumors arise in a testis. The youngest reported age
of occurrence was 14 years. Overall frequency of gonadal
> malignancies is approximately 6%, with incidence rising to more than 30%
by age 50 years. Sertoli cell and Leydig cell tumors have
> been reported. Tubular cell adenomas, also fairly frequent, have a
potential for malignancy because neoplastic transformation has
> been reported." Therefore, he said, we had to remove his genitals.
>
> Armstrong, his physician, and a Nike ethicist have been in custody since
the end of the Tour today after police found a stash of
> prosthetic genitals in the team masseur's car.
>
> The masseur was placed under investigation -- a step short of being
charged -- earlier this week.
>
> Officials said Armstrong is under investigation for importing and
circulating prohibited merchandise as well as administering,
> facilitating and inciting the use of prosthetic genitals to conceal the
fact that he is neither male or female.
>
> Prosecutor Jean-Philippe DuPont said earlier that USPS cyclists would be
questioned as witnesses in the case after the Tour de
> France celebration ends.
>
> As controversy grew, Jean-Paul Escande, former president of a national
commission for athletes using prosthetic genitals, said the
> affair is unfairly targeting the USPS team. Escande said the use of such
prosthetic devices is not widespread in sports.
>
> Armstrong told the L'Equipe newspaper at the Medical Control trailer that
he was "broken" by the allegations, and staunchly denied
> any involvement in gender falsification. "My wife knows me, and she knows
that everything they are saying about me is a serious
> lie," he said. Ms. Armstrong had no comment.
>
> Armstrong's main sponsor, United Stated Postal Service, is threatening to
pull out of cycling if Lance is not allowed to ride in
> next years Tour. An anonymous Nike spokesperson said, "If he isn't
allowed to ride with the men next July, then Lance will be
> racing in all the women's races in France next year to recuperate lost
income."
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Disclaimer
>
> The contents of this message are PARODY, as should be obvious, and
therefore are not meant to be taken as fact, or as news. Anyone
> who objects to freedom of speech, or expression through parody should
ignore the materials on this message. Any persons,
> corporations, or other entities referred to on this site appear only for
the sake of parody. As parody, I purport none of what
> appears on this site to be true. This message does not describe or
represent actual events, or facts, but rather fabrications based
> on opinions and fact for the sake of amusement.

I agree........but your freedom of speech infringed upon my time spending
reading your trash..........I should bill you for my time.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>

[Just a Cyclist]

It wasn't funny.........just a waste of time.............I think a new
career is in order.
"curt" > wrote in message
...
> Geez Barton....I think it was meant to be a joke. Relax.
> Curt
>
> "Barton Brelem" > wrote in message
> ...
> > ya! this is so credible.... oh look -- isn't that ET outside your door?
> > ****er!
> >
> > "EP" > wrote in message
> > ...
> > > PARIS, France
> > >
> > > Merely hours after winning this year's TDF, Lance Armstrong was placed
> > under formal investigation in a scandal regarding his gender,
> > > Jean-Marie Leblanc, the director of the Tour de France announced that
> the
> > US Postal team has been expelled from all future races in
> > > France until his gender can be confirmed.
> > >
> > > In a move to circumvent the spread of cancer, Lance's genitals were
> > completely removed right after the Critérium du Dauphiné Libéré.
> > > This is what Lance was referring to when he hinted at problems going
> into
> > this year's Tour.
> > >
> > > Leblanc said the team was being excluded in part to "end the unhealthy
> > climate of gender falsification" that has pervaded the
> > > competition since it got underway in Paris, July 5th.
> > >
> > > Leblanc said the decision was "difficult" but "indispensable" for the
> Tour
> > and for the sport.
> > >
> > > Earlier, in Paris, Leblanc said in a statement read by a French lawyer
> > that there was a "concerted" practice of concealing Lance's
> > > gender ever since his genitals were removed.
> > >
> > > "The object of removing Lance's genitals was to optimize performances
> > under strict medical control and completely eliminate the
> > > reoccurrence of testicular and penis cancer," said the statement read
by
> > French physician Dr. Thibault de Montbrial, "in order to
> > > avoid a situation that could be bad for his health."
> > >
> > > Dr. Montbrial went on to say, "Despite gonads with the typical
> appearance
> > of testes (perhaps altered similarly to those with
> > > cryptorchidism), a feminine gender assignment is unquestionable
because
> of
> > the completely feminine phenotype and because end-organ
> > > failure prevents endocrinologically produced masculinization.
> > Confirmation of the diagnosis is crucial because the syndrome is
> > > associated with a significant incidence of gonadal malignancies.
> > Malignant tumors are termed germinomas or, more properly,
> > > seminomas because the tumors arise in a testis. The youngest reported
> age
> > of occurrence was 14 years. Overall frequency of gonadal
> > > malignancies is approximately 6%, with incidence rising to more than
30%
> > by age 50 years. Sertoli cell and Leydig cell tumors have
> > > been reported. Tubular cell adenomas, also fairly frequent, have a
> > potential for malignancy because neoplastic transformation has
> > > been reported." Therefore, he said, we had to remove his genitals.
> > >
> > > Armstrong, his physician, and a Nike ethicist have been in custody
since
> > the end of the Tour today after police found a stash of
> > > prosthetic genitals in the team masseur's car.
> > >
> > > The masseur was placed under investigation -- a step short of being
> > charged -- earlier this week.
> > >
> > > Officials said Armstrong is under investigation for importing and
> > circulating prohibited merchandise as well as administering,
> > > facilitating and inciting the use of prosthetic genitals to conceal
the
> > fact that he is neither male or female.
> > >
> > > Prosecutor Jean-Philippe DuPont said earlier that USPS cyclists would
be
> > questioned as witnesses in the case after the Tour de
> > > France celebration ends.
> > >
> > > As controversy grew, Jean-Paul Escande, former president of a national
> > commission for athletes using prosthetic genitals, said the
> > > affair is unfairly targeting the USPS team. Escande said the use of
> such
> > prosthetic devices is not widespread in sports.
> > >
> > > Armstrong told the L'Equipe newspaper at the Medical Control trailer
> that
> > he was "broken" by the allegations, and staunchly denied
> > > any involvement in gender falsification. "My wife knows me, and she
> knows
> > that everything they are saying about me is a serious
> > > lie," he said. Ms. Armstrong had no comment.
> > >
> > > Armstrong's main sponsor, United Stated Postal Service, is threatening
> to
> > pull out of cycling if Lance is not allowed to ride in
> > > next years Tour. An anonymous Nike spokesperson said, "If he isn't
> > allowed to ride with the men next July, then Lance will be
> > > racing in all the women's races in France next year to recuperate lost
> > income."
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > Disclaimer
> > >
> > > The contents of this message are PARODY, as should be obvious, and
> > therefore are not meant to be taken as fact, or as news. Anyone
> > > who objects to freedom of speech, or expression through parody should
> > ignore the materials on this message. Any persons,
> > > corporations, or other entities referred to on this site appear only
for
> > the sake of parody. As parody, I purport none of what
> > > appears on this site to be true. This message does not describe or
> > represent actual events, or facts, but rather fabrications based
> > > on opinions and fact for the sake of amusement.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> >
> >
> > ---
> > Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
> > Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
> > Version: 6.0.504 / Virus Database: 302 - Release Date: 7/24/2003
> >
> >
>
>

[Thomas Mairs]

Where can I get a case of what you're drinking?

"EP" > wrote in message
...
> PARIS, France
>

[Dene Wilby]

In article >, says...
> Where can I get a case of what you're drinking?
>
> "EP" > wrote in message
> ...
> > PARIS, France

The hardware store.....it's called paint thinners

[Fred Marx]

Just a Cyclist wrote:

>
> I agree........but your freedom of speech infringed upon my time spending
> reading your trash..........I should bill you for my time.
>

exersize your freedom of choice and don't read it stupid......