In article
,
ComandanteBanana wrote:

}If it weren't so far-fetched that Jesus ever came to America,

West Bend Iowa UPI - Less than a week after returning to earth to save
humanity from the forces of darkness, the Way, the Truth and the Light
has once again died. And this time, it looks very unlikely that he might
rise from the dead. This afternoon, as the Son of God was walking
amongst a group of neo-disciples to the Grotto of the Redemption, a
pick-up truck driven by the daughter of a local farmer turned the corner
from 135th St to 10th Ave at a high rate of speed, striking several in
the group.

Five neo-disciples suffered bruises and broken bones, but the Saviour
took the brunt of the impact. The pig-pusher on the front of the pick-up
rent His earthly incarnation into three holy parts, and His skull was
crushed by the right front tire. Ironically, the driver had heard about
the gathering at the Grotto and was hurrying there to get a glimpse of
His divine presence while texting her boyfriend on her cell phone to
inform him of the event.

EMTs arrived on the scene within 5 minutes but spent most of their time
tending to the injured, as Jesus had died on the crosswalk.