The Squirrel Menace

On Sun, 13 Aug 2006 05:20:00 +1000, waxbytes
wrote:


Now I feel better about that squirrel I terrorized last week when I was
going down a steep hill and it stepped out from behind a concrete
barrier looking at the car traffic. I came up on it so quick that when
it spotted me it doubled back, rolled, and screamed as I passed within
a millimeter of it's little pointy head. I never knew they could
scream.

This just demonstrates how some car drivers and squirrels have the same
mentality since those drivers often only see us at the last minute and
scream loudly sometimes too.

It could have been nasty the squirrel had gotten in my wheel cause I
was really bombing down the hill. I can't fly worth a damn and landing
is not my strong suit.

Dear Waxy,

Well, it's all a great wheel . . .

If the red slayer think he slays,
Or if the slain think he is slain,
They know not well the subtle ways
I keep, and pass, and turn again . . .

They reckon ill who leave me out;
When me they fly, I am the wings;
I am the doubter and the doubt,
And I the hymn the Brahmin sings.

http://www.vcu.edu/engweb/transcende...ms/brahma.html

But make no mistake, I see squirrels for the savage, dangerous,
arrogant, fearsome predators that they a

"A squirrel leaping from bough to bough, and making the wood but one
wide tree for his pleasure, fills the eye not less than a lion . . ."

http://www.vcu.edu/engweb/transcende.../artessay.html

Cheers,

Waldo E.

On Sat, 12 Aug 2006 15:43:35 -0400, "N.O.Body"
wrote:

Mark wrote in
:

Michael Press wrote:
In article ,
RonSonic wrote:


Not content to assault cyclists, this hell-rat thugs it up at a local
park leaving a trail of bloodshed and tears in it's wake.

http://www.local6.com/news/9665269/detail.html


Somebody captured it, but then released it. What was he thinking?

Well, they could only hold it for 24 hours without filing charges, you
know.

Mark J.


At the least, they could have released it over a river...

Dear N.,

If you mean releasing the squirrel on the far side of a river and
hoping that it will stay there, think again! I've watched swarms of
the vicious little beasts fording the Ohio River:

September 11, 1803 (Lewis): We embarked at sunrise. We passed about
five islands. I observed a number of black squirrels swimming the
Ohio, swimming very light and at a very good speed. I assume they are
moving south for the weather.

September 13, 1803 (Lewis): The squirrels continue to cross the river
from north-west to south-east.

September 14, 1803 (Lewis): I saw many squirrels today and had my dog
catch a few.

September 15, 1803 (Lewis): I noticed today many squirrels swimming
the river although one was going the opposite direction, south-east to
north-west.

This site lays the facts out in pitiless detail:

http://www.scarysquirrel.org/history/migration/

Cheers,

Meriwether Lewis

Eric S. Sande (hm, haven't heard from him for about a year) wrote this
lovely verse:

A ride in the woods in the dark of the moon
Was no challenge or so it was said
So I mounted my Schwinn and I turned on my lights
And away in the evening I sped.
Slicker than owl snot my drive train did run
As I reached the first tulgey glade
Completely at ease I passed under the trees
Breathing deeply and yet unafraid.

A sudden light clicking then came to my ear
And I wondered if it was the bike.
The volume and frequency seemed to increase
And something just didn't seem right.

My crankset? My pedals? Perhaps the rear wheel?
But my spokes were stress relieved.
I'd checked all the torques and examined the forks
No fault could be conceived.

But then I remembered the horrible squirrels
That run in the woods at night.
More cunning than weasels and faster than bats
My blood ran cold with fright.

My mirror was useless, it bounced up and down
I carefully looked to the back.
Not one running there in the LED glare, not one
But the whole freaking pack!

I knew in an instant the danger I faced
For the squirrels of the East are unreal.
Like furry piranha that scamper like rats
They wanted my brand new wheel!

I knew in the morning they'd find my bones
spread out by the side of the trail.
If I couldn't pull off a quick finesse
I had to deliver the mail.

I spun and I sweated and pulled a huge gear
In the face of imminent death.
The grade was intense and my terror immense
I smelt their squirrelly breath!

Just then I remembered that in my valise
Which I'd strapped to the top of my bars
I had peanuts and trail mix and Gatorade
And a couple of candy bars.

I unzipped the bag and flung out the tools
Which only impeded my hand.
An anvil, a tow chain, a hacksaw and such
And a brand new truing stand.

I hated like fury to throw out that stand
But I needed to get to the food.
I whipped out the trail mix and tossed it back
It halted that Hell spawned brood.

I sat at the top of the hill and wheezed
As the squirrels devouered the nuts.
I'll never again take a ride on that trail
No ifs, no maybes, no buts!


--
Warm Regards,

Claire Petersky
http://www.bicyclemeditations.org/
See the books I've set free at: http://bookcrossing.com/referral/Cpetersky

On Sat, 12 Aug 2006 15:43:35 -0400, "N.O.Body"
wrote:

Mark wrote in
:

Michael Press wrote:
In article ,
RonSonic wrote:


Not content to assault cyclists, this hell-rat thugs it up at a local
park leaving a trail of bloodshed and tears in it's wake.

http://www.local6.com/news/9665269/detail.html


Somebody captured it, but then released it. What was he thinking?

Well, they could only hold it for 24 hours without filing charges, you
know.

Mark J.


At the least, they could have released it over a river...

Dear N.,

If you mean dropping the squirrel from an airplane flying over a
river, then I'm afraid that I can't comment.

Cheers,

D.B. Cooper

In article ,
"N.O.Body" wrote:

Mark wrote in
:
Michael Press wrote:
In article ,
RonSonic wrote:
Not content to assault cyclists, this hell-rat thugs it up at a local
park leaving a trail of bloodshed and tears in it's wake.

http://www.local6.com/news/9665269/detail.html

Somebody captured it, but then released it. What was he thinking?

Well, they could only hold it for 24 hours without filing charges, you
know.

At the least, they could have released it over a river...

Amen, Brother.

--
Michael Press

wrote in news:28esd2h6na3agm7tet1mel2980aa0vim5n@
4ax.com:

On Sat, 12 Aug 2006 15:43:35 -0400, "N.O.Body"
wrote:

Mark wrote in
m:

Michael Press wrote:
In article ,
RonSonic wrote:


Not content to assault cyclists, this hell-rat thugs it up at a
local
park leaving a trail of bloodshed and tears in it's wake.

http://www.local6.com/news/9665269/detail.html


Somebody captured it, but then released it. What was he thinking?

Well, they could only hold it for 24 hours without filing charges,
you
know.

Mark J.


At the least, they could have released it over a river...

Dear N.,

If you mean dropping the squirrel from an airplane flying over a
river, then I'm afraid that I can't comment.

Cheers,

D.B. Cooper

The airplane in your suggestion was actually overkill, so to speak. And,
you might miss the river. Mice float, Squirrels bounce, Men break and
Horses Splatter, and the biologist once said describing things being
dropped from heights. I believe the Critical Height for cats is about 10
stories up, between hitting the ground hard and being able to flatten out
and decellerate like a flying squirrel.

Round here, there is a much too high equilibrium population in the
squirrels-born and the cars-crunching system. You'd think the little
bodies littered about the street would warn them, but I'm still forced to
do the old Squirrel Distress Call too often when the little buggers are
doing their "Do I or Don't I" Polka in the street before me.

In article ,
"N.O.Body" wrote:
Round here, there is a much too high equilibrium population in the
squirrels-born and the cars-crunching system. You'd think the little
bodies littered about the street would warn them, but I'm still forced to
do the old Squirrel Distress Call too often when the little buggers are
doing their "Do I or Don't I" Polka in the street before me.

They are thrill seekers. Maintain a boring old straight
line and they will lose interest in you. It takes two to
polka.

--
Michael Press

- Bob - wrote:
On Sun, 13 Aug 2006 11:00:13 -0400, "N.O.Body"
wrote:

Round here, there is a much too high equilibrium population in the
squirrels-born and the cars-crunching system. You'd think the little
bodies littered about the street would warn them, but I'm still
forced to do the old Squirrel Distress Call too often when the
little buggers are doing their "Do I or Don't I" Polka in the street
before me.

Could have just shipped him off to Guantanamo Bay - a stay there has
the duration of a Roach Motel visit.

What an absurd comment. (Why let the truth interfere with a jab?)

On Sun, 13 Aug 2006 11:00:13 -0400, "N.O.Body" wrote:

wrote in news:28esd2h6na3agm7tet1mel2980aa0vim5n@
4ax.com:

On Sat, 12 Aug 2006 15:43:35 -0400, "N.O.Body"
wrote:

Mark wrote in
om:

Michael Press wrote:
In article ,
RonSonic wrote:


Not content to assault cyclists, this hell-rat thugs it up at a
local
park leaving a trail of bloodshed and tears in it's wake.

http://www.local6.com/news/9665269/detail.html


Somebody captured it, but then released it. What was he thinking?

Well, they could only hold it for 24 hours without filing charges,
you
know.

Mark J.


At the least, they could have released it over a river...

Dear N.,

If you mean dropping the squirrel from an airplane flying over a
river, then I'm afraid that I can't comment.

Cheers,

D.B. Cooper

The airplane in your suggestion was actually overkill, so to speak. And,
you might miss the river. Mice float, Squirrels bounce, Men break and
Horses Splatter, and the biologist once said describing things being
dropped from heights. I believe the Critical Height for cats is about 10
stories up, between hitting the ground hard and being able to flatten out
and decellerate like a flying squirrel.

Bit lower than that. Anything over a story they'll be fairly well oriented and
between there and about 4 stories they'll tend to hit pretty hard. At four they
tend to be pretty well sorted and land in good order. Much above that and all
bets are off, prevailing winds and other random factors make it impossible to
know how it'll turn out. They really aren't built for hang gliding and don't
have a whole lot of control.

The classic high rise symptoms are bruising of the forepaws and a broken
mandible. Used to rent a room from a vet when I lived in New York.

Round here, there is a much too high equilibrium population in the
squirrels-born and the cars-crunching system. You'd think the little
bodies littered about the street would warn them, but I'm still forced to
do the old Squirrel Distress Call too often when the little buggers are
doing their "Do I or Don't I" Polka in the street before me.

When did you learn squirrel?

Ron

RonSonic wrote in
:



When did you learn squirrel?

Ron

Curse you!!

My cover has been blown...