Righteous Moral Leader Found Drunk in a Park by a River

Righteous Moral Leader Found Drunk in a Park by a River
Irvine, California (8-February-2007)

Tom Kunich, the official voice of honest, decent, righteous, moral American
goodness, honesty, decency, righteousness and morality, and author of the
book, "EVERYBODY Is A Filthy Slimy Scummy Immoral Piece Of **** Except You
And Me And Sometimes I'm Not So Sure About You" was found drunk in a park by
a river this morning, his hulking girth covered with the droppings and teeth
marks of assorted barnyard animals including, but not limited to, horses,
turkeys, goats, cows and pigs.

According to investigating officer, Lieutenant Joe Dustoyevsky of the Irvine
Police Department, Kunich had been speaking at a special retreat he'd
organized for Republican members of the House and Senate, when the incident
which caused his drunkeness occurred.

"Apparently," said Dustoyevsky, "Kunich was teaching his "flock" of moral,
righteous, decent and honest Republican House and Senate members, various
advanced moral and righteous techniques for scarfing down huge racks of lamb
and whole stuffed pigs and live chickens and cows, in one righteous gulp."

According to Lieutenant Dustoyevsky, one of the cows unexpectedly turned on
Kunich as the righteous moral leader was about to scarf her down in a single
gulp, and bit off the righteous moral leader's moral righteous right ear.

What followed, according to bystanders, was an apparently coordinated
assault by an angry mob of embittered barnyard animals including, but not
limited to, goats, turkeys, chickens, cows and pigs which was, however, much
too gruesome and too immoral and too honest to be recounted in these pages
which are, of course, dedicated to decency and morality and honesty and to
protecting the purity and righteousness of our vicious, murdering,
sanctimonious, scumbag children.

But a spokesman for the Union of Concerned Cows and Pigs told reporters that
the incident was simply "a pure, honest act of retribution against a man who
had, without conscience, and solely for his own personal 'advancement,'
casually scarfed down, whole and live, thousands of their brothers and
sisters, mothers and fathers, and sons and daughters, while on his way to
speak to cheering crowds about what pathetic worthless immoral scumbags they
all were, and how they better all start being moral and righteous and good
and honest and decent like Tom Kunich, if they didn't wanna get their
pathetic asses kicked in like you-know-who."

A spokesman for Kunich's righteous-but-drunken soul vigorously condemned the
actions of the united barnyard animals as a conspiracy of left-wing commie
wackos who were trying to create the false impression that the righteous
moral honest decent kind Mr. Kunich was really some kind of gluttonous,
hypocritical, slimy, scummy worthless piece of dog****.

"Mr. Kunich," said the spokesman, clutching a free case of Amway products in
his right hand, and a free case of Marlboro's in his left, "stands for all
that is decent and good and honest and moral and righteous in the world, and
he stands firmly against all that is slimy and scummy and mother****ing and
cocksucking and ****ty, and therefore is in no way whatsoever the big fat
gluttonous slimy scummy hypocritical lying worthless sack of **** that those
left wing commie wackos keep insisting he is. In fact, THEY are the self
same slimy scummy big fat hypocritical lying worthless sacks of **** they
accuse him of being. Or, having been.

Too funny. You're killing me. Who's this Kunich dude anyway?
"Randy Beaver" wrote in message ...
Righteous Moral Leader Found Drunk in a Park by a River
Irvine, California (8-February-2007)

Tom Kunich, the official voice of honest, decent, righteous, moral American
goodness, honesty, decency, righteousness and morality, and author of the
book, "EVERYBODY Is A Filthy Slimy Scummy Immoral Piece Of **** Except You
And Me And Sometimes I'm Not So Sure About You" was found drunk in a park by
a river this morning, his hulking girth covered with the droppings and teeth
marks of assorted barnyard animals including, but not limited to, horses,
turkeys, goats, cows and pigs.

According to investigating officer, Lieutenant Joe Dustoyevsky of the Irvine
Police Department, Kunich had been speaking at a special retreat he'd
organized for Republican members of the House and Senate, when the incident
which caused his drunkeness occurred.

"Apparently," said Dustoyevsky, "Kunich was teaching his "flock" of moral,
righteous, decent and honest Republican House and Senate members, various
advanced moral and righteous techniques for scarfing down huge racks of lamb
and whole stuffed pigs and live chickens and cows, in one righteous gulp."

According to Lieutenant Dustoyevsky, one of the cows unexpectedly turned on
Kunich as the righteous moral leader was about to scarf her down in a single
gulp, and bit off the righteous moral leader's moral righteous right ear.

What followed, according to bystanders, was an apparently coordinated
assault by an angry mob of embittered barnyard animals including, but not
limited to, goats, turkeys, chickens, cows and pigs which was, however, much
too gruesome and too immoral and too honest to be recounted in these pages
which are, of course, dedicated to decency and morality and honesty and to
protecting the purity and righteousness of our vicious, murdering,
sanctimonious, scumbag children.

But a spokesman for the Union of Concerned Cows and Pigs told reporters that
the incident was simply "a pure, honest act of retribution against a man who
had, without conscience, and solely for his own personal 'advancement,'
casually scarfed down, whole and live, thousands of their brothers and
sisters, mothers and fathers, and sons and daughters, while on his way to
speak to cheering crowds about what pathetic worthless immoral scumbags they
all were, and how they better all start being moral and righteous and good
and honest and decent like Tom Kunich, if they didn't wanna get their
pathetic asses kicked in like you-know-who."

A spokesman for Kunich's righteous-but-drunken soul vigorously condemned the
actions of the united barnyard animals as a conspiracy of left-wing commie
wackos who were trying to create the false impression that the righteous
moral honest decent kind Mr. Kunich was really some kind of gluttonous,
hypocritical, slimy, scummy worthless piece of dog****.

"Mr. Kunich," said the spokesman, clutching a free case of Amway products in
his right hand, and a free case of Marlboro's in his left, "stands for all
that is decent and good and honest and moral and righteous in the world, and
he stands firmly against all that is slimy and scummy and mother****ing and
cocksucking and ****ty, and therefore is in no way whatsoever the big fat
gluttonous slimy scummy hypocritical lying worthless sack of **** that those
left wing commie wackos keep insisting he is. In fact, THEY are the self
same slimy scummy big fat hypocritical lying worthless sacks of **** they
accuse him of being. Or, having been.