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Harry Potter, the Psychic Boss and the Laneways of Doom



 
 
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  #1  
Old February 15th 05, 03:47 AM
hippy
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Default Harry Potter, the Psychic Boss and the Laneways of Doom

Scene: The office

"I had a dream about you last night." states my boss, walking into the
office this morning.
"Really, you dream about me?" I joke.
"You were hit by a car. I was there. It wasn't me that hit you, but I
saw it."
"Uh huh.. yeah.. bike vs. car.. sounds just like me."
"You were okay though.."
(he's thinking "pity about that" I'm sure!)
(Cue: Work montage)

Scene: The ride home

All suited up in my stylish 'knicks and Crappy T-Shirt(tm)' fashion
statement from hell, I roll down the road, heading for home.
Cruising down the Burke Road recently made famous by aus.bicycle's
'dave' and 'hippy' for its right-turning traffic and laneways of doom,
life couldn't be peachier. Okay, it could, but that's a whole other chapter.

Doing my normal thing, passing all the cars waiting for Cantebury Road
lights to change, I notice a 4WD. This 4WD is sticking its nose through
the traffic to make a right-hand turn across my path. This large, shiny,
4WD isn't paying much attention. In fact, I think I'm going to have to
crash into it. Yeah, that's what I'll do. Serves it right for not giving
way to oncoming traffic. I don't actually have enough room to stop, with
half the vehicle across the lane in my path, so I brake and panic turn.
It's not enough and I plow into the 4WD.

I had washed off quite a bit of speed and whacked into the white
'building-on-wheels' with my front wheel and right knuckles.
Throw in an awkward stumble over the bike and my arse doesn't even hit
the ground - I'm still upright. Stare at 4WD's back window as it crawls
into a driveway (okay so it wasn't a laneway THIS time). I follow -
there's no chance this one is getting out of here.

A women gets out of the car and begins apologising.
"Yeah, yeah.. I'm alive.. whatever.. Just slow down and open your eyes!"

(insert standard discussion about not seeing you, are you okay, want a
drink, need help putting on your chain or straightening your bars?)

I go easy on her because she was very nice about it (much to the chagrin
of some of you I bet!) twist my bars back around and walk back out to
the road.
"What are you doing now?"
"Uh.. I'm riding home"
"Oh, okay, well as long as you're alright?"

Like I said, very apologetic and it wasn't a very hard impact.
In fact, the only evidence of the incident now is a shade of white paint
on my glove's knuckles.
I'm not sure what this makes the count, I've lost track now, but I think
this may tip the balance in favour of 'cars hitting me' as opposed to
'me hitting cars'.

The wackiest part was my boss 'predicting' this in a dream! I was
laughing about that all the way home.. well, sort of

Just in case you're wondering, 'The Boss' will remain nameless, since
I'm sure he doesn't want 1004 people ringing him up all hours asking for
next week's lotto numbers!

http://thehippy.net/nucleus/index.php?itemid=226

hippy
Ads
  #2  
Old February 15th 05, 04:13 AM
TimC
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Default Harry Potter, the Psychic Boss and the Laneways of Doom

On Tue, 15 Feb 2005 at 02:47 GMT, hippy (aka Bruce)
was almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea:
All suited up in my stylish 'knicks and Crappy T-Shirt(tm)' fashion
statement from hell, I roll down the road, heading for home.
Cruising down the Burke Road recently made famous by aus.bicycle's
'dave' and 'hippy' for its right-turning traffic and laneways of doom,
life couldn't be peachier. Okay, it could, but that's a whole other chapter.

Doing my normal thing, passing all the cars waiting for Cantebury Road
lights to change, I notice a 4WD. This 4WD is sticking its nose through
the traffic to make a right-hand turn across my path. This large, shiny,
4WD isn't paying much attention. In fact, I think I'm going to have to
crash into it. Yeah, that's what I'll do. Serves it right for not giving
way to oncoming traffic. I don't actually have enough room to stop, with
half the vehicle across the lane in my path, so I brake and panic turn.
It's not enough and I plow into the 4WD.


Funny how you can pick 'em?

I had a P-plater last night pull halfway out onto Camberwell Rd from a
laneway. I could see he was looking the other way - he was stopped
staring for a good 5 seconds. Then he just drove forward without even
turning his head forwards, let alone in my direction to check again.
I was by this stage about 3m away from him, and closing very fast.

All it took was a quick "hey" in a kindof gruff voice, and that was
enough to unleash a load of "**** you, you ****ing mother****er scum".
Yay! He stopped in an awful hurry though, barely made it a foot
further out into the road.

But because I could pick exactly what this guy was going to do, I had
my hands ready on the brakes, and I was mentally prepared for shouting
as soon as I saw him move an inch.


Your comment system on thehippy.net is almost redundant! I read this
first there, and then thought, "find the comment on aus.bicycle, and
reply there". I should adopt a NNTP feed on my own journal page.

--
TimC -- http://astronomy.swin.edu.au/staff/tconnors/
aibohphobia, n., The fear of palindromes

And here I thought it was the fear of robotic Japanese dogs.
-- Tom "Tom" Harrington
  #3  
Old February 15th 05, 05:59 AM
hippy
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Harry Potter, the Psychic Boss and the Laneways of Doom

TimC wrote:
I had a P-plater last night pull halfway out onto Camberwell Rd from a
laneway. I could see he was looking the other way - he was stopped
staring for a good 5 seconds. Then he just drove forward without even
turning his head forwards, let alone in my direction to check again.
I was by this stage about 3m away from him, and closing very fast.

All it took was a quick "hey" in a kindof gruff voice, and that was
enough to unleash a load of "**** you, you ****ing mother****er scum".
Yay! He stopped in an awful hurry though, barely made it a foot
further out into the road.


Must be the weather but I'm sure there's been an increase in the number
of drivers who pull up to an intersection and then stare in one
direction (typically the WRONG direction) before moving off.
I've approached a few cars recently with my 'don't even think about
moving' stare and it doesn't work because they're not looking! Arr!
What to do.. what to do?

But because I could pick exactly what this guy was going to do, I had
my hands ready on the brakes, and I was mentally prepared for shouting
as soon as I saw him move an inch.


Sometimes I'd like to superman through their window and smack their
heads into the steering wheel a few times before stepping out, picking
up my bike and riding off into the sunset..

Your comment system on thehippy.net is almost redundant! I read this
first there, and then thought, "find the comment on aus.bicycle, and
reply there". I should adopt a NNTP feed on my own journal page.


hehe.. yeah.. I type it first into the blog and then post it here coz
otherwise it wouldn't get read. The blog is more for my benefit
See if you can find me something that links nntp with nucleus blog.

hippy
  #4  
Old February 15th 05, 06:18 AM
TimC
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Posts: n/a
Default Harry Potter, the Psychic Boss and the Laneways of Doom

On Tue, 15 Feb 2005 at 04:59 GMT, hippy (aka Bruce)
was almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea:
TimC wrote:
I had a P-plater last night pull halfway out onto Camberwell Rd from a
laneway. I could see he was looking the other way - he was stopped
staring for a good 5 seconds. Then he just drove forward without even
turning his head forwards, let alone in my direction to check again.
I was by this stage about 3m away from him, and closing very fast.

....
Must be the weather but I'm sure there's been an increase in the number
of drivers who pull up to an intersection and then stare in one
direction (typically the WRONG direction) before moving off.
I've approached a few cars recently with my 'don't even think about
moving' stare and it doesn't work because they're not looking! Arr!
What to do.. what to do?


Similarly linked is the case I had a few days ago of someone
indicating their intention to go left at a roundabout, and instead,
turning right, all the while not changing their indicator.

I think their bemused look summed it all up.

Maybe the Earth's magnetic field flipped, stuffing up everyone's
spatial abilities?

--
TimC -- http://astronomy.swin.edu.au/staff/tconnors/
"The application did not fail successfully because of an error"
  #5  
Old February 15th 05, 07:41 AM
ProfTournesol
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Posts: n/a
Default Harry Potter, the Psychic Boss and the Laneways of Doom


hippy Wrote:
Scene: The office

A women gets out of the car and begins apologising.
"Yeah, yeah.. I'm alive.. whatever.. Just slow down and open you
eyes!"

(insert standard discussion about not seeing you, are you okay, want a
drink, need help putting on your chain or straightening your bars?)

I go easy on her because she was very nice about it (much to th
chagrin
of some of you I bet!) twist my bars back around and walk back out to
the road.


hippy


At this stage I usually (well on 2 occasions) say "just close your eye
for a minute and imagine yourself saying that to the Coroner". I alway
feel better after that!
I'm glad you're OK, but surely you can send her a bill for a ne
bike:-

--
ProfTournesol

  #6  
Old February 15th 05, 10:57 AM
hippy
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Harry Potter, the Psychic Boss and the Laneways of Doom

ProfTournesol wrote:
hippy Wrote:
A women gets out of the car and begins apologising.
"Yeah, yeah.. I'm alive.. whatever.. Just slow down and open your
eyes!"


At this stage I usually (well on 2 occasions) say "just close your eyes
for a minute and imagine yourself saying that to the Coroner". I always
feel better after that!
I'm glad you're OK, but surely you can send her a bill for a new
bike:-)


Oh crud! Didn't even think about that!
I could've hit her up for the eurotourer!

hippy
  #7  
Old February 15th 05, 11:20 AM
Richard Sherratt
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Harry Potter, the Psychic Boss and the Laneways of Doom

On Tue, 15 Feb 2005 05:18:31 GMT, TimC
wrote:

On Tue, 15 Feb 2005 at 04:59 GMT, hippy (aka Bruce)
was almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea:
TimC wrote:
I had a P-plater last night pull halfway out onto Camberwell Rd from a
laneway. I could see he was looking the other way - he was stopped
staring for a good 5 seconds. Then he just drove forward without even
turning his head forwards, let alone in my direction to check again.
I was by this stage about 3m away from him, and closing very fast.

...
Must be the weather but I'm sure there's been an increase in the number
of drivers who pull up to an intersection and then stare in one
direction (typically the WRONG direction) before moving off.
I've approached a few cars recently with my 'don't even think about
moving' stare and it doesn't work because they're not looking! Arr!
What to do.. what to do?


Similarly linked is the case I had a few days ago of someone
indicating their intention to go left at a roundabout, and instead,
turning right, all the while not changing their indicator.


As a friend said one day:

"Indicators:

There are controls in each vehicle that cause little bits of coloured
plastic to flash on and off at the corners of your vehicle.

Pretty, aren't they?"


--
Regards.
Richard.
  #8  
Old February 15th 05, 11:59 AM
Liz
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Harry Potter, the Psychic Boss and the Laneways of Doom

"Richard Sherratt" wrote in
message ...

As a friend said one day:

"Indicators:

There are controls in each vehicle that cause little bits of coloured
plastic to flash on and off at the corners of your vehicle.

Pretty, aren't they?"


--
Regards.
Richard.


I love it! Is it copyright? :-)


  #9  
Old February 15th 05, 01:03 PM
Dave
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Posts: n/a
Default Harry Potter, the Psychic Boss and the Laneways of Doom

Richard Sherratt wrote:
On Tue, 15 Feb 2005 05:18:31 GMT, TimC
wrote:


On Tue, 15 Feb 2005 at 04:59 GMT, hippy (aka Bruce)
was almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea:

TimC wrote:

I had a P-plater last night pull halfway out onto Camberwell Rd from a
laneway. I could see he was looking the other way - he was stopped
staring for a good 5 seconds. Then he just drove forward without even
turning his head forwards, let alone in my direction to check again.
I was by this stage about 3m away from him, and closing very fast.


...

Must be the weather but I'm sure there's been an increase in the number
of drivers who pull up to an intersection and then stare in one
direction (typically the WRONG direction) before moving off.
I've approached a few cars recently with my 'don't even think about
moving' stare and it doesn't work because they're not looking! Arr!
What to do.. what to do?


Similarly linked is the case I had a few days ago of someone
indicating their intention to go left at a roundabout, and instead,
turning right, all the while not changing their indicator.



As a friend said one day:

"Indicators:

There are controls in each vehicle that cause little bits of coloured
plastic to flash on and off at the corners of your vehicle.

Pretty, aren't they?"



SCene
its the early 80.s and we are in Mikes old Rally car in the right hand
lane heading down Bandenong rd just comming up to Warrigal rd.

In the right turn lane with its right indicator on is a Volvo SP 1800
sportscar.

Miks says Ÿou know I would never own a volvo but if I did it would be
one of them

Just then the volvo turns left from the right turn lane across our noze
and the other 5 lanes or however many their are
Mike hits the brakes hard. The rally car instanly spins and stops
backward just missing volvo.
We watch anothe dozen cars lock up everything and stop then both turn
and look out the driverside window at the volvo vanishing down warrigal
rd to the left.. still with his right indicator flashing. Unhurried.
without a concern in the world.

Mike says ¨then again.. maybe I wouldnt own a volvo¨
  #10  
Old February 15th 05, 01:06 PM
Dave
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Harry Potter, the Psychic Boss and the Laneways of Doom

hippy wrote:
ProfTournesol wrote:

hippy Wrote:

A women gets out of the car and begins apologising.
"Yeah, yeah.. I'm alive.. whatever.. Just slow down and open your
eyes!"



At this stage I usually (well on 2 occasions) say "just close your eyes
for a minute and imagine yourself saying that to the Coroner". I always
feel better after that! I'm glad you're OK, but surely you can send
her a bill for a new
bike:-)



Oh crud! Didn't even think about that!
I could've hit her up for the eurotourer!

hippy


I made money out of mine.

Only cos he was so polite in person and so rude on the phone.

And Hippy. There is a lovely policewoman at camberwell.. GO down there
and get her to charge em .. Works for me.

Dave
 




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