A message to my wife

1. From 2 -24 July 2006, you should read the sports section of the
newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding Le tour
de France, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations.
If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you
will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any
attention.

2. During the Le Tour, the television is mine, at all times, without
any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you
will lose it (your eye).

3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a stage, I don't
mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without
distracting me. If you decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make
sure you put clothes on right after because if you catch a cold, I
won't have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during Le
Tour.

4. During the stages I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a
refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you
expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or
pick up the baby that just fell from the second floor....it won't
happen.

5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the
fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and
please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to
watch the stages. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between
3am and 6am.


6. Please, please, please!! If you see me upset because one of my
favorite riders is losing, DO NOT say "get over it, it's only a race",
or "don't worry, they'll win next time". If you say these things, you
will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will
never ever know more about cycling than me and your so called "words of
encouragement"
will only lead to a break up or divorce.

7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one stage and you can talk
to me, but only when the commercials are on (or Gabriel Gate), and only
if the race situation is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am
saying "one" stage; hence do not use the Le Tour as a nice cheesy
excuse to "Spend time together".

8. The replays of the finishes are very important. I don't care if I
have seen them or I haven't seen them, I want to see them again. Many
times.

9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related
parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
a) I will not go,
b) I will not go, and
c) I will not go.

10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to
watch a stage, we will be there in a flash.

11. The daily Tour de France highlights shown on TV every night is just
as important as the stages themselves. Do not even think about saying
"but you have already seen this...why don't you change the channel to
something we can all watch??", the reply will be: "Refer to Rule #2 of
this list".

12. And finally, please save your expressions such as "Thank God the
Tour de France is only every 12 months". I am immune to these words,
because after this comes the Giro, Paris Roubaix, Vuelta, etc etc.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Regards,
Cyclists of the World


--
ADA23

We don't have these issues at our place. It helps when both members of
the couple are equally bike-mad. And *he* homesbrews the most excellent
bier.

Roll on July!


--
cfsmtb

gplama Wrote:
Love it... though the 'after' Giro and P-R may be replays

and...

13. Although I may not be Muslim, I will claim jihad on SBS if they
even hint at anything to do with cricket during the TdF coverage.



you'll be fine. Just some little soccer tourno goin on...


--
flyingdutch

....mmmmmm Le Tour Protocol Domestique- le Rule d'Hotel - a la cart.....

*Additional rule* - the cat/dog/child wont be on the lap/within reach
either, as any grimace of an untoward happening on Le Tour or SBS
errant behaviour on programming could result in strangled
cat/desexed/alienated dog or estranged child(for life)...

Yes, best to have these warnings prominently disseminated to all
domestic attendants and breathing accoutrement....

I have a simple rule, no!, no!, no! non-cycling house guests in July,
all door bell rings go unanswered, all phone calls are limited to
outside Le Tour coverage and sports news sessions...
Lock down, Lock out. or knock down look out....

hmmm medication medication does work cover stress leave apply? ,
afterall this *is* an annual event within the ambit of my unilateral
domestic services contract-maybe IR laws can be amended to enshirine
these obvious needs to ehance required observance of this most
necessary of activities ?


--
rooman